Life and Death are Wearing Me Out

in.”
    Pang Kangmei’s comments were met with enthusiastic applause; some of the teachers had tears in their eyes. Pang Kangmei continued:
    “At this critical moment, in the midst of our emergency, all county cadres will be here, demonstrating their loyalty and enthusiasm, performing great service. If any of them dare shirk their duty or slack off, they will be severely punished.”
    In the midst of this emergency, even though I was the deputy county chief in charge of education and hygiene, I was hiding in our little room, my body entwined with my lover’s. Without question, this was unimaginably shameful behavior. Even though I was badly beaten and had no idea what had happened to the school and was a man in love, I could put none of these on the table as an acceptable reason. So, a few days later, when I sent in my letters of resignation and withdrawal from the Party to the County Committee’s Organization Department, Deputy Director Lü said with a sneer:
    “Old man, you no longer have the right to resign your position or withdraw from the Party. What you can look forward to is being fired from your job and kicked out of the Party, plus a ban on all public employment.”
    We stayed in bed into the afternoon, alternating between exhaustion and passion. The room was hot and muggy, and our sheets were soaked from sweat that also saturated our hair. I was captivated by the smell of her body and the lights in her eyes.
    “I could die today, Chunmiao, with no regrets. . . .”
    As I lay there making love and loving her, I was no longer in the grip of the hate I’d felt toward the goons who had blindfolded me, dragged me into a dark room, and beaten me bloody. Except for a badly bruised bone in one leg, they had left me with only flesh wounds. They knew their business. I also no longer harbored any hatred toward the people who had ordered the beating. I deserved the beating. It was the price I had to pay for the abiding love I received.

    The students whooped with delight when a three-day holiday was announced. The natural disaster, which exposed so many serious problems, meant a strange good time for the children. A thousand Fenghuang Elementary School students hit the road and spread out, wreaking havoc on the already chaotic traffic.
    Without knowing where we were going, I followed your son to the doorway of the New China Bookstore. A whole group of kids went inside, but not your son. His blue birthmark showed up cold and hard, like a piece of tile. Pang Kangmei’s daughter, Fenghuang, was there, in an orange raincoat and rubber galoshes, looking like a brilliant flame. A young, muscular woman stayed close behind her — obviously, her bodyguard. Coming up behind her was my third sister, her coat neat and clean. She tried her best to avoid the mud puddles, but inescapably dirtied her paws. When your son and Fenghuang spotted each other, she spat on the ground at your son’s feet. “Hooligan!” she cursed. His head drooped to his chest as if he’d taken a sword swipe against the nape of his neck. Dog Three snarled at me. She wore the most mysterious expression.
    I bit down on your son’s sleeve and showed him it was time to go home. But he took no more than a dozen steps before stopping, his birthmark the color of jasper and tears in his eyes.
    “Dog,” he said emotionally, “we’re not going home. Take me where they are.”
    Taking a break in our lovemaking, we fell into a half sleep, brought on by exhaustion. While she slept she muttered things like: “It’s your blue face that I love. I fell for you the first time I saw you. I wanted to make love with you that first time Mo Yan took me to your office.” For us to be doing what we were doing and saying things like that was shamefully inappropriate when all the county’s cadres were dealing with the results of a devastating natural disaster. But I won’t hold anything back from you, Big-head.
    We heard our door and window rattle, then we heard you bark. We’d promised not to open the door even if God came knocking. But your barks were like an order that must be obeyed. I jumped out of bed, knowing full well that my son would be with you. Lovemaking had helped heal my injuries, so I dressed quickly and easily, though my legs were rubbery and I was still lightheaded. At least I didn’t fall. Then I helped Chunmiao, whose body seemed to have no bones to support her, get dressed; I straightened her hair a little.
    I opened the door and was