Lifesaving for Beginners

They’re spending Christmas with their dad. It was a last-minute thing. I don’t think she could face it, in the end.’
    I say, ‘What do you mean?’
    Jack sweeps a hand around the café. ‘Christmas. This is the first Christmas since Beth’s death. You know she died, don’t you?’
    ‘Yes . . . I was involved in that accident too. My car was a write-off but I walked away with hardly a scratch.’
    Jack says, ‘Jesus. That’s incredible.’
    I nod.
    He drags a hand down his face. ‘Poor Beth.’
    I put my hand on top of his and sort of squeeze it, briefly. I don’t intend doing it. It just happens. I put my hand back round my mug of coffee and say, ‘Were you close? You and Beth?’ He smiles. ‘I knew Beth for years. We worked together in various restaurants and hotels over the years and then she set up this place and asked me to come and work for her. We had some great times here.’
    I say, ‘I’m sorry.’ I can’t think of anything else.
    Jack nods.
    I say, ‘How is Faith? With . . . everything that’s happened?’
    ‘Not great, I suppose. She’s been angry. With Beth. For not telling her about being adopted. And busy too, looking after Milo. I think she sort of forgot how sad she was, you know?’
    I say, ‘Yes,’ even though I don’t. I don’t know. Jack says, ‘Faith asked me if I knew. Since me and Beth were friends, she assumed . . . But I didn’t know a thing. All I know is that Beth loved Faith to bits. They were so close, those two. More like sisters than mother and daughter.’
    For the first time, I get a sense of this girl. I get a sense of Faith. And her mother. I don’t mean me. I mean her real mother. Beth. The woman who reared her. Who never told her because she loved Faith too much. She didn’t want her to feel that she was missing out on anything. Didn’t want her to know that someone had given her away.
    Didn’t want her to know that I had given her away.
    That’s what I did.
    I gave her away.
    My hands tighten round the mug of coffee on the table. So tightly my fingers are white. So tightly, the mug might shatter. Jack says, ‘Are you OK?’
    ‘I’m fine, thanks.’
    ‘What are you going to do now?’
    ‘Do you happen to have Faith’s address? In Scotland, I mean?’
    ‘Yes, but it’s Christmas Eve. You’ll never get a flight now.’
    ‘I will. I’ll go stand-by or something. I’m here now. I have to keep going. I don’t know what else to do.’
    Jack looks at me for a moment, then gets up and says, ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’ When he returns, he hands me a piece of paper. There’s an address on it. I put it in my bag.
    ‘Thank you.’
    We shake hands again and he says, ‘I suppose it’s not a great time to ask for your autograph?’ and I say, ‘No, it’s not.’
    ‘Next time?’
    ‘Yes.’ And then I smile and I have no idea why. Perhaps it’s because Jack thinks there will be a next time, and he knows Faith so I take it as a sign. A positive sign. That maybe, just maybe, things might work out OK in the end.
    When I step outside the café, it has already begun to snow.

 
    For the first time ever on Christmas Day, I don’t wake up at five o’clock in the morning. I wake up at my normal time, which happens to be eight o’clock. I suppose it’s because I don’t believe anymore.
    I am reading the instruction manual for the Xbox. Dad says he’ll bring me to a shop when he gets a chance and get me a game that’s suitable for my age. He says I can keep the Declan Darker game and play it when I’m older.
    I got goggles too. They’re the Speedsocket Mirror ones, which means that they cost twenty-three pounds but, so long as I don’t lose them, which I nearly definitely won’t, they’ll last me until I’m around twenty or maybe even older than that. They’re blue and I’m wearing them at the moment, just to get used to them.
    Faith got me a book about sharks, and a new swim bag that’s got a waterproof bit for your togs. Ant and Adrian got me a London bus moneybox with two tenners already in it, to go towards my London saving fund.
    I say, ‘What London saving fund?’
    Ant says, ‘You’re coming to London. At half-term. You’re going to stay with us for a couple of days.’
    I look at Faith to see if this is true. She’s smiling so it must be.
    I say, ‘Can we go on the London Eye?’
    Adrian says, ‘It’s compulsory, mate.’
    I say, ‘Legend,’ and everyone smiles, all at the same time, even Celia, who is in