Light in the Shadows

“You're right, Jake.  I'll go tonight,” I said with a determination that I had been missing for a while now. 
     
                    Jake grinned and pulled me into a hug.  I tried not to push him away.  But he seemed to be doing the touching thing a lot lately.  I should probably put him in his place.  Remind him that I was not interested in him like that.  But it felt nice to be held.  However briefly.  So I let him.  For a few seconds at least.  Then I felt the weirdness and pulled away.
     
                     Feeling a little bit better, I took Rachel and Daniel their food and drinks.  Daniel didn't waste a moment before attacking the plate of diabetes I gave him.  Rachel bit into her sandwich and looked at me with her all seeing eyes.
     
                     “Well, things are looking awfully friendly in here,” she remarked and I wanted to snap at her to drop it.  Rachel and Daniel had mentioned, on more than one occasion mind you, that Jake was interested in me.  You'd have to be blind not to know that.  They never pushed it, knowing I haven't been ready.  But I knew they held onto the silent hope that I would snap out of my Clay funk and give Daniel's friend a chance.  Rachel had serious double dating fantasies (something she probably wouldn't have convinced Daniel to participate in if it were Clay I was with).  I was really sick of dodging this bullet.  But for once I didn't smack down her verbal query.  I just shrugged my shoulders and sat back in the chair, watching in disgusted awe as Daniel finished off the last of his food. 
     
                     I saw the considerable effort it took for Rachel to suppress her obvious glee.  She knew my lack of a hateful response was in its own way a small victory.  And I let her have it.  For now.
     
                     “I don't know whether to be completely impressed or ready to throw up,” I whispered dramatically, as I put Daniel's now empty plate on the tray.  Rachel shook her head and shot Danny a loving smile.  The softness of her expression reminded me so much of the way I used to look at...
     
                     I jumped to my feet.  There had been enough reminiscing for one day.  “So, I think I'm going to head over to Ray's this evening,” I announced louder than I meant to.  Daniel and Rachel stopped making goo-goo eyes at each other and looked at me in surprise.  Well, surprise was an understatement.  They were staring at me as though I suggested hitchhiking to California.  And that just reinforced how out of touch I had become with my own life. 
     
                     “You are?  Really?” Rachel squeaked and I set my mouth in a grim line. 
     
                      “That's awesome.  You need a ride?” Daniel asked, grinning at me.  I shook my head. 
     
                     “Nah.  I'll drive myself.  That way if you want to leave early, or stay later than me, it won't be a problem.  What time should I head over?” I asked, ignoring the giddy expressions on my friends' faces. 
     
                    “Uh, eight?  But what made you decide to come?” Rachel asked me.
     
                     “I convinced her to grace us with her presence for the evening,” Jake piped in, appearing by my side and taking the tray from my hands.  I clenched my hands into fists and willed myself not to say something hateful.  He really was all up in my business today. 
     
                    Rachel's eyes flashed at me and I could see the wheels turning.  I glared at her in warning.  She wisely stayed quiet.  “Well, thanks for the intervention.  She needs to do more than work and go to the grocery store.  She currently has the social life of a nursing home resident and even they play Bingo,” Daniel said.
     
                    I threw my hands up in frustration.  “You guys act like I've been sitting in a darkened room every night.  Give it a rest, will you,” I snapped.  Rachel seemed contrite, while Daniel, damn him, just laughed at my ire. 
     
                    “Not far from the mark there, Mags,” he mused and I shut up.  Because he was right. 
     
                     “Okay, well, I'll see you later,” I said, giving up on the conversation.  I left Jake to continue talking with Rachel and