Losing Hope

There’s no way I can be around her and pretend everything is fine when it’s not. But there’s no way I can tell her the truth, either, because it would turn her world upside down.
    I don’t know what will be more painful. Staying away from her so she doesn’t find out, or telling her the truth and ruining her life all over again.
    H

Chapter Twenty-eight-and-a-half
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    Les,
    It’s Thursday night. I haven’t spoken to her since Monday. I can’t even look at her because it hurts so much. I still don’t know what to do and the longer I just let this go on, the more of an asshole it makes me look. But every time I work up the nerve to talk to her I have no idea what I’d even say. I told her I’d always be honest with her and this is just something I can’t be honest with her about.
    I’ve been trying to figure out why Karen would do something like this, but there isn’t a single valid excuse in the whole world that could justify someone taking a child. I’ve even thought about the chance that maybe Hope’s dad didn’t really want her, so he just gave her away. But I know that’s not true because he did everything he could to find her for months.
    I just can’t figure it out. I don’t even know if I need to. Until I barged into her life two weeks ago, she was happy. If I don’t walk away now, it’ll ruin all that.
    Ironic, isn’t it? I walked away from her thirteen years ago and ruined her life. Now if I decide not to walk away from her, I’ll ruin her life again.
    Just goes to show that everything I do is hopeless. Fucking hopeless.
    H

Chapter Twenty-nine
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    “Yo, flipdick. We on for tonight?” Daniel says, walking up to my locker.
    The last thing I feel like doing tonight is going out. I know Daniel would probably get my mind off her with all the crazy shit that comes out of his mouth, but I don’t really want to get my mind off her. I haven’t spoken to her since Monday and the only thing that sounds appealing besides being with her is wallowing alone in self-pity.
    “Maybe tomorrow. I don’t really feel like doing anything tonight.”
    Daniel leans his elbow into the locker and he lowers his head, leaning toward me. “You’re really being a mangina,” he says. “You didn’t even date the chick. Get the fuck over it and . . .” Daniel glances over my shoulder without finishing the sentence. “What the hell is your problem, powder puff?” He’s speaking to someone now standing behind me. The way he says it can only mean it’s Grayson. Fearing I’m about to get sucker-punched from behind, I spin around.
    It’s not Grayson.
    Breckin is facing me and he doesn’t look very pleased about it.
    “Hey,” I say.
    “I need to talk to you,” he says. I know he wants to talk about Sky and I really don’t want to talk about Sky. Not to Breckin, not to Daniel, not even to Sky. No one understands anything about anything and frankly, it’s nobody’s business.
    “Sorry, Breckin. I’m not really in the mood to talk about her.”
    Breckin takes a quick step forward and I take a quick step back because I wasn’t expecting him to rush me like he just did. My back is against the locker and Daniel is laughing. Probably because Breckin is a good fifty pounds lighter than I am and several inches shorter and he’s probably wondering why the hell I haven’t laid Breckin on his ass yet. But that doesn’t stop Breckin from moving in even closer and shoving his finger hard against my chest.
    “I don’t really give a shit what kind of mood you’re in, because I’m in a pretty shitty mood myself, Holder. You aren’t the one having to pick up all the shattered pieces of Sky this week. I don’t know what the hell happened in the cafeteria Monday, but it was enough to show me that I don’t like you. I don’t like you one goddamn bit and I have no idea what Sky sees in you . . . because what you did to her? How you led her on for days and then just walked away like she was a waste of your time?” Breckin shakes his head, still fuming. He drops his eyes down to my arm. Down to the tattoo. “I feel sorry for you,” he sighs. He inhales a calming breath and slowly looks back up at me. “I feel sorry for you, because people like her don’t come along more than once. She deserves someone who realizes that. Someone who appreciates her. Someone who would never just . . .” he shakes his head, looking at me disappointedly. “Someone who would never crush her hope and then