Lost in You

at her, at Hadley and then back at Dylan. I shake my head. We slept, but not in the way Dylan is asking. Her mouth drops open, a small gasp of air escapes. She doesn’t believe me. I know this by looking at her. I reach for her as she turns and runs away. I call out her name, but it’s too late. She’s gone and people are staring, including Hadley. 
    This small incident catches the attention of my mom. She looks from me to Hadley and frowns. Mom loves Dylan and is probably figuring things out. It was a mistake agreeing to let Hadley come to church.
    Hadley excuses herself and walks over to me. I motion for her to follow me back upstairs. If we were going to talk, I’d rather do so without an audience. The soft tap of her shoes echo behind me as we climb the hardwood stairs. I want to reach behind me and hold her hand, but I don’t. I push open the door leading to our small courtyard and walk to the bench that sits under the large oak tree that my dad and I made a few years ago and donated to the church.
    I reach for Hadley’s hand as I sit down. I don’t know what we’re doing out here. I just wanted to get away from the stares I was getting downstairs. Hadley stands in front of me, her dress blowing lightly in the breeze. I look up at her and smile. I already feel at ease with her away from everyone.
    “What are we doing out here?”
    I shrug. “I wanted to get away from people staring. And I wanted to spend a few more minutes with you alone before it’s time to leave.”
    Hadley sits down next to me, she’s brings her knee up under her, resting it against my thigh. I want more than anything to touch her, to find out how soft her skin is there.
    “I leave tonight,” she says. I try not to let her words affect me, but they do. I knew this was going to happen, but wanted to stretch these days as far as I could. “I have to head out west for a few weeks before I have another break. Then I thought I could come see you.”
    “Okay.”
    She smiles. “I also thought we could text and talk as much as possible. I’m not sure I can go a day without hearing your voice.”
    “I can’t,” I say.
    “Why not?” The look on her face kills me. I sit forward and put my head in my hands. I can never be what she needs.
    “I shouldn’t tell you this. You might think differently and that’s the last thing I want, but I work part-time to help out at home and sometimes I have extra money to buy minutes for my cell phone. I don’t always have minutes to use,” I mumble quickly into my hands.
    She shifts, but not away, closer. Her fingers thread through my hair at the nape of my neck. Her touch is soft. I lean into her, wanting to be enveloped by her.
    “I can help.”
    I shake my head. I’m not going to allow her to take care of me. That is embarrassing and degrading. A man should take care of his girl, not the other way around.
    Hadley kneels in front of me, pulling my hands away from my face. “If I get you a phone, it’s all for me. I’d be doing it for me so that I can talk to you. I’m going to need to talk to you every day. Knowing me, it’s going to be multiple times a day.”
    Her fingers lift my chin, so we’re eye to eye. I can tell she’s serious in this request, but my pride is on the line. She shouldn’t have to buy me anything. It should be me spending money on her.
    “You can let me buy you a phone, or I’ll leave mine sitting on this bench and you’ll be stuck with it and I’ll just use that to talk to you.”
    I turn away and try not to smile. “You’re pushy.” I lean back, putting some distance between us. She stands, placing her hands on her hips. I laugh at her when her foot starts tapping. I shake my head and rub my hands over my face.
    “Ugh.” I groan. I can’t keep looking at her. If I do, I know I’ll say yes to whatever she asks of me. Hadley steps in between my legs and threads her fingers through my hair. My eyes close on their own volition. I can’t believe that with just a simple touch from her, I’m about to buckle. I lean forward, placing my head against her stomach.
    “I know it’s not conventional.”
    “I have a feeling we won’t be conventional,” I mumble against her.
    “Why be normal? Normal is so over-rated and boring. I don’t want to be boring. I want to be adventurous and daring.”
    I shake my head and laugh. I place my hands on the back of her thighs, pulling her a bit closer as I kiss her stomach. She kneels in front of me again, her