Love is Always Write Anthology Bonus Volume

and a good job market, but I didn't really care if it was in Indiana or Pennsylvania or maybe Ohio because it was in-between. Or New York, of course, because you could live in New York and commute to the city… I hadn't been much more specific in my marriage plans. She'd be cute, of course. Beauty not necessary, but she'd have her own energy and her own plans and she'd make me laugh and know how to cook and—
    She.
    God. I didn't even know how gay sex worked . I'd never met a guy I wanted to do anything with before, never paid any attention—
    "Jumping the gun a bit, Lukas," I said. Twiggy's ears twitched. "You're a good listener," I told her. "It's just that I don't know what to say. I mean— hell. Sorry. Out of nowhere, I don't know anything anymore. I'm kind of screwed up. Which is why I'm lying in my bed at two in the morning talking to a dog."
    I knew one thing. I knew I wanted to kiss Alan. I knew I wanted to spend more than the thirty seconds or two minutes or whatever I'd managed so far kissing Alan. Maybe an hour or six, on one long slow kiss, till I had sparkling lip gloss smeared all over my mouth and my hand on his hip and maybe I'd slide my fingertips under his shirt and find that little hollow—
    "I do not want to go take a cold shower," I told Twiggy and me, and yanked my mind from kissing Alan. Instead I focused on our project, due in less than a month, and the way Alan hadn't updated the calendar lately so I didn't know where we stood and when I emailed to ask he told me not to "fret." I worried about the things we still needed to do, and how long we had to do them, and the week of Thanksgiving break coming up when getting people to work would be like pulling hen's teeth, and eventually I fell asleep.
    ****

CHAPTER 9
    Thursday I was even worse, with a lovely mostly-sleepless night thrown on top of my confusion. I stumbled through my day going through the motions and trying not to run into things or over people, and even managed to forget I'd traded shifts with Ebony so she could go to an out-of-town wedding on Saturday. She laughed at me and sent me home and I got there without killing myself or anyone else, and then I took a nap.
    After dinner I sat on the floor in the living room, trying to focus on my homework. Figuring I wouldn't get anywhere until the "snow" settled, I'd put the Alan problem out of my mind, but like Twiggy in the mood for affection, it kept creeping back. Lilia sat on the couch trying to knit, and after the third time I muttered an almost-curse and dragged my attention back to work, she leaned over to put her hand to my forehead.
    She'd never done that before. I turned to stare at her. She shrugged and picked up her knitting.
    "It's not like you to be aflutter," she said. "Or to nap."
    "I'm fine, Lilia."
    "Of course you are."
    From his spot snoring in the dog-pile, Javert flopped over on my notebook. I pried it out from under him and woke up my laptop and got back to work. Naturally when I finally started to make progress, Alan called me.
    "Is it arson if no one could possibly have expected it to explode?" he asked. "Tell me everyone's fine and I'm not going to get arrested. Repeatedly. Please."
    Oh geez. "Everyone's fine and if you get arrested I'll come bail you out. What did you do?"
    "Nothing. Well, maybe. Are you prepared to swallow your phone should your records be subpoenaed?"
    "Are you all right?" I asked. "Also, everyone's fine and you're not going to be arrested."
    "Shaking in the bathroom, but no one's outside with torches and rope. And I did improve the place! The grease blotches add a nice impressionistic ambience. And who doesn't like a flame-charred ceiling?"
    "Firemen," I said, laughing. "And most insurance adjusters."
    "Those who can't, critique." He breathed, a deep, shuddering breath. "Oh god. Oh holy shit."
    "I can be there in fifteen minutes."
    "No," he said quickly. "It's all right. I'm fine. Sorry I bothered you."
    Damn. "Call me later."
    "Go rescue a kitten, Batman. I'm fine." He hung up; I glared at my phone.
    "Alan?" Lilia asked.
    "Yes." I repeated his end of the conversation, to a point. "Now I want to watch the news and see if he's on."
    "Not in that uniform," Lilia said, laughing. I tried to get back to work, but a few minutes later Lilia dropped her knitting, clacking the needles together.
    "Lukas," she said, "would you get me that picture from the mantel? The one of me and Corazon at the beach."
    Okay… Lilia rarely asked me to do things she