Love is Always Write Anthology Bonus Volume

my head.
    "You're seeing the trees but not the forest, lad. I'm not talking about those few homophobic jerks you'd never be friends with anyway. Of everyone I've told the truth about Corazon, do you think anyone else has ever taken it in stride? No. They get mad. People make assumptions about someone, and then they get mad when they find out they got it wrong. They feel lied to. You come out, and people you would have sworn on a stack of Bibles would stand by you will be first to vanish."
    "Good riddance," I said, thinking of Alan's parents.
    Lilia grabbed a handful of my hair and tugged. "You don't seem so adrift anymore, swabbie."
    I laughed, relief and joy and who knew what bubbling up inside me. "No," I told Lilia, bouncing up to kiss her cheek, "I'm not. And you are a sneaky, sneaky woman."
    "You didn't think the navy paid me to cuss, did you?" She picked up her knitting and shook her head at it. "Or to knit, thank the stars and bars. Maybe I'll have it done by next Christmas."
    "Stop restarting," I said, pacing around the back of the couch just to move, "and see how far you get."
    "Give me advice when you've got your own ship squared away, swabbie. Are you going to call Alan?"
    "He's at work." But I knew when he got off work, probably. Unless he'd already been sent home. Or arrested. What had he done?
    "Well, you better do something, Lukas, before I toss you overboard. Take your pacing outside or something. Take Javert— the fatter he gets, the louder he snores."
    "That's a good—" My phone rang, cutting me off. I snatched it off the floor. Lilia smirked.
    "Not Alan. Mom." I silenced it and took a deep breath. "Well. No time like the present."
    "Lukas—" Lilia began, but I'd already answered.
    "Hi, Mom!"
    I told her. I took the conversation into the dining room, and after she told me work was fine and Will was fine and I told her school and work were fine, I took another deep breath.
    "Mom, I have to tell you something. It's… kind of big."
    "Is there a girl at last?" Mom asked. "Finally a young lady worthy enough you'll let me meet her?"
    I shook my head though she couldn't see. "No, Mom. It's— Crap. Sorry! It's— There's a guy. His name is Alan."
    "I… don't understand."
    "His name is Alan. He's smart and funny and I'd love for you to meet him."
    "Lukas, I can't talk right now." The line went silent. I looked at my phone and the timer had stopped.
    She'd hung up on me.
    I told Lilia that as I walked through the living room to get my jacket, and went outside to chop wood.
    ****
    As I cooked breakfast Lilia told me two or three times how sensible my mom was and how she'd come around. Then when I was leaving, Lilia kissed my cheek and told me I'd always have a home with her, which undermined her assurances a bit, but whatever. Mom might well come around if I gave her time to think, so she was on the back burner. Now that I'd finally— to borrow a phrase from Lilia— got my head out of my ass, my top priority was Alan. Everything else could go hang. It wasn't a reasonable or sustainable attitude, but I felt I could go with it just once. As I waited for my truck to warm up, I texted him.
    I need to talk to you. Are you on campus today? And if you're not, I didn't say, where are you because I'm coming there.
    Fifteen cars were lined up ahead of me, all of us waiting to turn onto campus, when he answered.
    My sleep-in day, jerk. Bring coffee.
    I added class to the list of things that could go hang and turned out of the line, went to the Mug Shot to acquire a proper offering. As I walked out with my purchases my stomach roiled and my head wanted to spin, but I had stern words with both and got back in my truck. Chickening out wasn't an option; life had already changed. I couldn't go back, and I couldn't hang in limbo forever. I had to go forward, and pray Alan wanted to go with me.
    God help me.
    In a possible sign that God was with me, there was a parking space right in front of the building. As I pulled into it Alan texted me again.
    Forgot I had to go in. Meet me at the Mug Shot in twenty minutes?
    I'm here. I'll drive you. I come bearing coffee and muffins.
    Darling man , he sent back. Be right down.
    My stomach did a slow queasy roll as I realized he was still trying to avoid me. He didn't have an errand on campus; he'd just wanted to meet me on neutral ground. Or he'd have told me to come up instead of waiting outside.
    As long as he was meeting me. Talking in the truck might even be a good thing.