Love is Always Write Anthology Bonus Volume

weird dream. Oh shit, naked dude in my bed!' "
    "Alan—"
    "You haven't thought this through. There's no way this can work. You're too perfect and I'm a fuck-up and you'll hate me and I couldn't stand if you hated me. Lukas, turn around. Or take me to the bus station, or—"
    "Alan! I make plans when I can. When I can't, I go with it. Like on Two-Face. I didn't know the route to Brad, but I had good gear and the perfect partner on my rope. I didn't know if I could help him, but I did know I could try. I could move faster, I could try moves I wouldn't have dared otherwise, because you were there to catch me."
    "Oh my god…" Alan dropped his face into hands. "What if— Lukas, what if I drop you?"
    Damn. Way to put the pressure on, Lukas you idiot. Before I could think how to answer Alan fell over sideways, put his head on my leg again.
    "Shit," he breathed. "Shit. I know how to do this. Check and double check, and never let go of the fucking rope."
    "That's it," I said, smoothing his hair. "Never let go."
    "God, I don't know if I can do this, Lukas. I don't— usually I don't quit either, so if I marry you, it's fucking forever, and I don't know…"
    "If you want to back out, Alan," I made myself say, "Bea will be in Danbury. You can just… go back to Albany with her. Or come back with me. I'll help you work out the job and financial aid stuff. Even if you… if you never want to see me again once it's fixed."
    "That's not— I mean— fuck." He pressed his face into my leg. "I'm not used to choices, you know? There's put your head down and bull through, and there's run the fuck away. I don't know… I don't know."
    "I shouldn't have pushed you so fast," I told him. "I'm sorry. I just— I wanted to make you believe that I love you." I swallowed hard. "I wanted to make sure you never ran away from me again. I'm sorry." I stroked his hair. "Just take the ring off, Alan. Put it in your pocket and when you're ready, if you're ready, put it on again."
    "That— I can't keep—"
    "Alan," I smoothed his hair, "if you have it, you can put it back on the only hand that I want to wear it."
    "Oh god…" he choked out. "So you don't— you don't want to marry me but just to… keep me?"
    "I want to marry you because I want to be married to you," I said. "I asked you so soon— we haven't even been on a date!— because you ran away."
    "I'll run again," he breathed.
    "I'll find you again." Crap! "I mean— hell. I mean that I'm not losing you because you're scared, Alan. I'm not losing you because I'm an idiot. If you don't want me— then I'll let you go."
    Alan lifted my hand off his head and put it on my leg. He sat up and unbuckled his seatbelt.
    "Alan—" I don't know what I thought he was doing, but he slid across the seat and took my hand again. The ring on his finger sparkled in the dim afternoon as he wrapped my arm around his shoulders, put my hand over his eyes and held it there. He leaned his head on my shoulder, took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and I felt some of the tension flow out of him.
    "I don't want to escape you," he said softly. "I don't want to run and actually manage to lose you. I don't want to screw things up making you chase me."
    I kissed the top of his head.
    "I don't want to screw up your life," he said. "But I'm in it now and leaving will screw it up for sure. You… love me."
    "Yes. I love you."
    "I want to stay in school. I worked my fucking ass off to get in and I don't want to give it up."
    "You've come too far," I agreed softly.
    "But I can't— I can't be that close to you and keep my hands off you. I tried that. It ended in some really fantastic unexpected sex."
    "It was fantastic," I agreed. "And unexpected."
    "If I marry you, will that screw up the financial aid you were talking about? Will they take your income into the figures?"
    "They can't." I kissed his hair. "To do that, Pennsylvania and the federal government would have to admit that two men got married."
    He chuckled breathlessly, still holding my hand to his face. "Okay," he said. "So… if I marry you, I'm not screwing up anything that isn't already— going to be screwed up anyway?"
    "If you're asking if marrying me will make things worse, I have to say I don't think so?"
    He elbowed me lightly. "I'm trying— I want to marry you, Lukas, I do! I'm trying to be sure it's right. Because I so incredibly do not want to fuck this up." He took another deep breath, pressed my hand to his face. "I love you, Lukas. I'm fucking