Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 5

home. We lived in a pretty rough part of town. And I was waiting at a stoplight, and a car pulled up next to me." Cade knew he couldn't stop or he'd never get started again, so he said the next part in a rush. "And he asked me how much, and at first I had no idea what he meant, and then I figured it out and I was just being a smart ass, so I asked what he thought I was worth, and he said he'd give me two hundred bucks." He paused for a breath, and he kept his eyes on the trees, the forest floor, anywhere but Aiden's face. "I really needed two hundred bucks," he said.
    Aiden didn't say anything for a long time, and just when Cade thought he was maybe going to scream, Aiden finally said, "Just the one time?" The hope in his voice was heartbreaking, especially when Cade knew he had to crush it.
    "No." He took a deep, shaky breath. "Lots of times. For about eight months. I quit when I went away to school. I had enough saved to get me through the first year, and after that I got the scholarships lined up, and I worked my ass off at regular jobs over the summer." But that didn't make anything better, didn't erase what he'd done before. "Lots of times," he repeated sadly.
    Aiden let the silence return for quite a while before he said, "When I first met you, I thought maybe you were a virgin. You were so shy about everything. And then we started messing around, and I figured you knew what you were doing." His voice was bitter. "I didn't know you were a fucking pro , Cade! I didn't know you were—" But he stopped himself, jerked his head as if literally biting his tongue, and when he continued his voice was controlled. Too controlled, like he was holding on with all his strength. "How many guys?"
    "I don't know. But I was always careful, and I got tested. It's part of the reason I wanted to wait with you; I wanted to be sure. I'm—" And now it was his turn to stop himself, because he'd been about to say that he was clean, and that was obviously, painfully a lie. He was about as filthy as a person could be. "I'm sorry," he said. "I wish… I don't know what I wish. If I hadn't done it, I never would have made it to Purdue. And if I hadn't gone there, I wouldn't have met you. And if I hadn't met you, none of this would have really mattered." He didn't think Aiden was paying attention to his nonsense, so he cut it back to the most important part. "I'm sorry."
    Aiden rose suddenly to his feet. "I need to think about this," he said, his eyes looking everywhere but at Cade. "I need some space." He frowned and then looked at Cade for the first time in a long while. "Why'd you tell me now? Up here, when we're practically locked in together?"
    "We don't have to be," Cade said reluctantly. "I can change my flight, if you want me to. I'd need a ride to the airport, I guess, but… I understand."
    "You understand? Do you, Cade? Because I sure as hell don't!" Aiden was moving now, pacing around the small space like a caged animal. "How could you do it? Did you get off on it? Like, literally…" he turned to face Cade, "did you come? Was it good sex? That first time with me, when we were making such a mess of things and ended up laughing about it all, were you laughing at me, Cade, because I was such a fucking loser?"
    Cade didn't know where to start, and he didn't know if there was any point in even trying. Would Aiden believe anything he said, anymore? But he wouldn't walk away from any chance to make Aiden understand. "I did it for the money. I didn't enjoy it." And then the harder part. "I came sometimes, just… you know, just from the physical. But it was never good. It was never anything like with you, and I've never laughed at you, and I've never… I mean, it's insane that you think I might think you're a loser. I could never think that. Not ever."
    But Cade had been right; Aiden wasn't hearing him. "I need to go," Aiden said abruptly, and he strode away. Cade could feel the tears building behind his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He'd made his decisions, made his mistakes; he wasn't a victim, here, and he didn't deserve to cry.
    He needed to move. If he stayed where he was, he was going to fall apart, he was pretty sure. And he couldn't let that happen. If Aiden wanted him gone, Cade needed to go. He needed to do it with as little drama as possible, as little disruption to Aiden's life as he could manage. He pulled himself to his feet and ignored the painful stretch on his calf.
    He'd get packed. It wouldn't take long,