Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 6

know now, it's sometimes better the less people who know, you know?
    I realize you are already at training and it's too late to change your decision now. I was shocked when Bobby told me you wanted to enlist to be a Marine. I hope you do well and are happy if this is really what you want.
    But I will tell you that what you've chosen is a tough, tough road. And I'm not talking about the Marine stuff, although I'm sure that is hard enough by itself. You know what I'm really talking about.
    I wish you had talked to me before you left. I do respect your decision, if this is what you feel is best for you. Just... be careful. I don't know if you get much free time while you're training, but please call or email anytime if you need to talk.
    Stay safe and take care of yourself,
    C
    There really wasn't any free time during boot camp, so I was saved from answering his email. Besides, I had to be careful what I said on the public computers we used, and I had no private time for a phone call.
    Eventually, after I graduated I emailed him and we corresponded back and forth a few times sporadically, but we never talked about being gay or the hiding we were both doing for our respective careers. I didn't feel the need to talk about it, it was what it was.
    I had been lucky and had been able to stay in California for my recruit and rifleman training at Camp Pendleton. After that I got sent off to training for my specialty, the job I would have in the Marine Corps. I wanted to work in Communications, do something with technology or computers. My drill instructor recommended I try training for a Field Radio Operator, as there was currently a dire need for Operators and he thought I had what it took to succeed in the position. I was more than happy to be recommended and sent wherever I could best be utilized.
    I spent some time in Oklahoma first. It was there that my routine began to "normalize." Training took up most of the daylight hours during the week, but nights and weekends were free time. The base was sort of out in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but cows and fields once you got off base. Most of the soldiers traveled to Oklahoma City on the weekends to find some signs of life and let off a little steam. It was here that the reality of having to hide that I was gay finally hit me square in the face. The first weekend I was there, a bunch of the single guys got together to go to the city, and of course I went along when invited. I was looking forward to bonding with the guys and having a few beers myself. Until we ended up at a strip club.
    I tried to hang back and act like I was interested in watching the girls. But then one of the strippers shimmied over my way and asked if I wanted a lap dance. I was politely trying to say no when one of the guys, McIntire, noticed and started ribbing me and then got the other guys in on the action, hooting and hollering and egging me on. My gut twisted as I finally dug twenty bucks out of my pocket and tucked it into her G-string. She immediately straddled my hips and started rubbing up against me and shaking her tits in my face. I kept thinking back to when I was sixteen with Tiffany and the lying I had done then. And Dad's words to me. Still, I was trapped; there was nothing I could do unless I wanted to give up all that I worked so hard for. And I definitely didn't want that. I loved being a Marine, I loved what they had made me and I finally enjoyed what I was doing with my life. If I had to give up this little part of myself for it then so be it . Suck it up, Marine. Our instructors were always telling us that— okay, usually yelling it at us— when we were exhausted and things got tough. I would just have to do the same here. So I smiled and leered and imitated the other guys and pretended like I was enjoying it. Only she knew the truth— that I wasn't hard— but she wasn't going to spill my secret as long as she got her money.
    After that, I learned how to play the game. I was a little more careful about when I hung out with the guys, joining them if I knew they were going to a bar to watch the game, for example. But trying to avoid it when I knew they were going out on the prowl.
    As for me, when the "need" got too much to take, I went to a library in the city, did a little googling and found a few gay bars. It was still damn risky and the first time I almost turned around and went back to the base. Not only was I in trouble if someone found out I was a Marine, but Oklahoma