Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 6

and running even later after that little encounter.
    I passed three trashcans on my way, and could have dumped the brochure in any one of them, but for some reason I didn't. As I rushed into my classroom and plopped my books down on the tiny student desk, there it was on top, the large photo of a young Marine in full dress blues staring right back at me. His face was solemn and at attention, but it wasn't entirely expressionless. A confidence and a pride clearly shone through. I found myself feeling a small spike of jealousy at this man who already had all his shit together. While I sat here feeling like nothing in my life was fitting right.
    "Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. Marines don't have that problem." —Ronald Reagan, Former U.S. President. I reread the quote under the photo several times before reaching over and flipping the brochure open.
    I don't think I heard one word the professor said in class that day. I spent the hour reading the brochure and thinking about Dad. He'd spent fifteen years in the Marines and then once Bobby and I came along, he finished out his career in the Reserves before retiring. Dad never really talked much about his time in the Marines and I was really young when he was in the Reserves so I don't really remember much, other than him occasionally being gone for a weekend or two. I know he loved being a Marine though, and was proud of being one. As I flipped through the brochure I began to understand what drew Dad to the Corps.
    People started shuffling their books and desks and I realized class was over. I grabbed my stuff and bolted out of the classroom. Jogging back to the quad I saw the Marine recruiters were just starting to pack up their stuff.
    ****
    I couldn't sleep that night; I just laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about my afternoon. The recruiters were done for the day, but Sergeant Johnston took me for coffee at the student union and we talked for almost two hours. He said I sounded like a young man the Marine Corps would be proud to have as a brother. But, he said I needed to take some time and really think deeply about the commitment I would be making, and not make a rash decision. He told me to talk to my family and friends.
    That list was pretty short. I couldn't burden Mom with this right now, at least not until I was sure. I thought about Chase briefly, but it would be the middle of the night on the east coast— not that that would bother him, I knew he listen if I needed him. But this was the type of conversation I would have had with Dad. And he wasn't here.
    Finally I jumped out of bed, threw some clothes on, grabbed my wallet and keys and ran out the door.
    ****
    Two hours later, I was standing in front of my brother's door, bracing myself for the expletives he'd probably throw out at me for waking him up. Finally the door creaked open.
    "Adam?" Bobby's hair was sticking out in all directions and his eyes were struggling to stay open. "What the—" he glanced over his shoulder then turned back to me. "It's two in the morning man, what's up? Are you okay? Is something wrong with Mom?"
    "No, no it's not Mom. I just— I needed to talk." He looked at me with this knowing look on his face and didn't say a word. It may have taken us almost twenty years but we finally had both matured into a real brotherly relationship. And especially now that we were all we had.
    Bobby stepped aside and pulled the door open farther to let me in. I walked in and sat down at his kitchen table, just a few steps inside the door.
    "You start the coffee and I'll be back in a minute." He shuffled off down the hall; I heard the murmured voices, as I knew he was probably telling Kate it was just me.
    ****
    "Jesus, Adam." Bobby had both elbows on the table, his head propped up with one hand. His coffee sat untouched in front of him. His face had a look of disbelief on it. "This is an awfully rash decision. I mean, it's kind of out of the blue for you. I don't ever remember you voicing any interest in becoming a Marine before."
    "That's why the recruiter told me I had to take some time and talk to some people before he'd let me sign anything. And yeah, I have to admit I'd never really thought about it before. But Bobby, something about it just feels right. I think I need this. College has just been shit for me since I started and I feel like I'm wasting time."
    "So quit for a while, take some time off, explore other