Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 6

anymore. That level of trust, of understanding, had died for me with Derkin.
    Ray might not have known Jax was a shifter, but he seemed to sense something of Jax's humanness. They could spend long moments staring deeply into each other's eyes, Ray's brow furrowed like he'd seen Jax somewhere before but couldn't quite put a name to the face. Jax was a total show off when Ray worked him on the lunge line— prancing, throwing up his head, sometimes shying at nothing. But he always settled when Ray crooned to him.
    Jax wouldn't let Ray ride him. Ray had tried to put a saddle on Jax our second week here, and Jax had thrown it right off. I knew Jax had major qualms about letting anyone on his back since his showing days. Even Ray.
    So I'd volunteered to be the one who got saddle-broke.
    I hated it. It felt strange and degrading. As much as I trusted Ray, his weight on my back made me feel like a captive.
    But Ray's promise to Ottsenmeiser that he'd saddle break us was the only reason Ottsenmeiser had allowed Jax and me to stay when Ray found us. We had to make it look like Ray had made some progress.
    Being ridden wasn't all bad. It was another way to be close to Ray. While I might not have been as utterly devoted to Ray as Jax was, I often found myself wanting his comfort and guidance. In horse form, my senses were heightened. My flight response was sometimes difficult to control. I found myself irrationally afraid of things my human mind knew were non-threatening— a snapping twig, a toad under my feet, brightly colored clothes.
    On my back, Ray could feel the slightest tensing of my muscles, the tiniest hesitation in my stride. And he eased me through whatever I was freaking out about. He didn't baby-talk me the way some people do animals. He spoke to me like I was human, an adult, but he knew just how to pitch his voice so that I felt the calm authority that radiated from him.
    Ray clipped leads to our halters and led us out to the back pasture. I immediately trotted toward the good grass in the center. Jax stayed close to Ray, nosing his back pockets until Ray laughed and slapped his flank, then he cantered to join me.
    "You like when he slaps your ass," I said.
    "So what if I do?"
    "You're unbelievable."
    Jax nipped my shoulder. At the far end of the pasture, a big black gelding named Lobo whinnied at Jax. Lobo was dumb as a salt lick and most definitely not a shifter. "Yeah, you wish," Jax called.
    He eventually ran off to harass Lobo. I nibbled grass for a while, but Ray was still standing by the fence, looking lost. So I wandered over and put my head over the top rail. "Hey, Trig," he said, scratching my forehead. "You look tired today."
    Ray had named Jax and me Winchester and Trigger when he found us, after General Sheridan's and Roy Rogers's horses. I think Ray liked the idea of a man developing a deep and unbreakable bond with one special horse.
    It scared me that Ray might think Jax was that horse for him.
    I sniffed Ray's breath for traces of alcohol and decided he was sober. I nuzzled his cheek. I didn't usually seek affection like this. It was just today I was missing Derkin.
    Kingston came and sniffed along the fence.
    "Hey," I said to King. He didn't look up. "Hey you dumb mutt. Look here." I swear I saw him freeze for just a second. Then he lifted his leg on the fence post.
    "Your brother's a wild one, isn't he?" Ray asked, watching Jax canter along the fence, Lobo close behind. I blew through my nostrils.
    Wild. Gorgeous. A damn beautiful mess. Could you handle him, in human form? Would you know how to take care of him like I do?
    "I've got bad news," Ray said after a minute.
    I waited.
    "I'm getting booted off the ranch. Effective at the end of the month."
    That startled me, though I wasn't sure that was altogether bad news. It would get him away from Ottsenmeiser. But where would Ray go from here? I didn't want to care, but I did.
    "Says he can't afford to keep someone like me around. A drunk, he means. But I ain't a drunk." He scratched behind my left ear, but his eyes were on Jax. "I'd take both of you if I could. Get the hell out of here."
    I pushed his shoulder with my nose.
    There was a darkness in Ray that matched the darkness in Jax. Maybe the darkness in me. The darkness wasn't noticeable all the time. It rested in each of us, like an open book placed facedown to hold a page, abandoned for a while then picked up again.
    "Shit, Trig. What am I gonna do?"
    Hell if I know. I'm just a