Love Is Always Write Volume 4

break. His eyes stung.
    "If it was a choice between my idiot family or you? You would have won, hands down. Don't you get it, Zeb? You were my family! They may be biological, but that's all they are to me. You… you were so much more." Chad waited a second, hoping that would sink into Zeb's thick scull. After a full minute it was obvious Zeb wasn't going to say anything.
    "So. Where does that leave us now, Zeb?"
    "For one, I guess we don't have to hate each other anymore." He sounded like he was trying to be upbeat, pointing out the silver lining, but Chad could hear the emotion in his voice.
    "I never hated you."
    "Neither did I. I wanted to, but I couldn't. At least we have each other's numbers. We could talk once in awhile."
    "We could do that, I suppose. Keep in touch. How would your boyfriend feel about it though? Will he be alright with you calling an ex?" Chad waited for the answer but Zeb was quiet for a long moment. "Zeb, if it will cause problems for you then…"
    "No, nothing like that. It'll be fine." Zeb assured him, but it gave Chad an unsettling feeling.
    "Alright. You know, you haven't said much about him. He treats you well, doesn't he? He's a nice guy?"
    "Yeah, he's nice. It just feels weird – talking about that with you."
    "Oh. Well…"
    "I should probably get off the phone. It's time for checkout soon and I have to be on a bus to Iowa in an hour." Zeb words were rushed and Chad felt like he was getting a blow off again.
    They said their goodbyes and Chad noticed neither one made any promises of calling anytime soon. Oh well. Maybe it was for the better. He wasn't sure if he could listen to Zeb talk about his daily life in California, the life Chad had thought would feature the two of them instead of Zeb and some nameless man who Chad knew he'd hate on sight.
    ****
    The rumble of the bus's engine was melodic and calming. Exactly what Zeb needed after the last twenty-four hours. That and to be by himself. He could barely stand his own company, he wasn't sure anyone else would like him any better at the moment. The rest of the band had caught on to his mood pretty quickly when all their questions were responded to with grunts or one word answers, so they left him alone in the back of the bus, sending quick curious glances his way once in awhile.
    He leaned his head against the window and just stared out at the gloomy overcast day. When he saw the 'Welcome to Iowa' sign he realized that this was the second time in his life he'd left Minnesota, and both times he felt like he'd left his heart behind.
    ****
    Three days later Zeb was back on the bus, his home away from home for the duration of this short tour, and in a piss poor mood. Considering the mood he'd already been in that was saying something. Everyone, from members of the band to the crew and roadies, had kept a wide berth from him since leaving Minnesota, not knowing what was going on with their singer but not wanting their heads ripped off for no reason.
    Last night's performance wasn't exactly stellar and that had only just started his downward spiral. Todd kept telling him it was all in his head and that he was too critical, too much of a perfectionist to see that it was a great performance. Zeb didn't agree.
    Then, this morning had been the morning from hell. Everything that could go wrong had and Zeb swore that if one more thing, just one more damned thing, tripped him up or got in his way, he was going to scream.
    "So," Nick started as he plopped himself down on the seat next to Zeb on the bus. "What's been bugging you? You haven't been the same the last few days and you won't talk about it."
    "Maybe that means I don't want to talk about it." Zeb gave him a look that was a pretty clear, 'get a clue'.
    "Oh, come on. I'm pretty sure I already know. You may as well spill."
    "Why do people think they need to talk about things to make them better?" Zeb snapped.
    Nick kept his voice neutral and so damn casual Zeb wanted to smack him. "Because it's true. You keep everything up here." Nick tapped his temple. "And it will slowly drive you insane. You gotta let things out, man. Otherwise they have nowhere to go and they eat you alive."
    "If my old man could hear you say that he'd think you were some hippie, free-love pansy trying to fill my head with feelings and shit."
    "Yeah, well your old man isn't here. Besides, this isn't about free-love or pansy shit. It's about having friends and letting them in. If your dad didn't get that, then maybe he