Love Means Courage - Andrew Grey

as Geoff ran into the barn, looking at the horses.

    “I bet it did. I visited all the fields and did find some that we can put to work. It’s about fifty acres, but it’ll help.” Cliff gripped his shoulder, smiling at him, and Len was gripped by that same fluttery feeling in his stomach as the heat from Cliff’s hand seeped through his shirt. “Thank you, Len.” “For what?”
    “Waking me up and getting me off my useless ass.” Len felt Cliff’s fingers rubbing against his shoulder. The movement may have been innocent, but to Len it felt incredibly erotic. He knew he should pull away and get the last of the day’s work done, but he didn’t want to do anything to break the contact. The crunch of tires pulled Len from his thoughts, and Cliff lowered his hand.
    “Janelle,” Cliff called, and Len turned, watching as she got out 73
Love Means Courage
of the car.
    “Hi, Cliff.” She gave her brother a hug. “Hi, Len.” He smiled and waved. “You haven’t called, so I stopped by to see how you were doing.” She walked to Len, smiling brightly.
    Cliff interrupted and grinned at him. “He’s been busy kicking my ass for three days.”
“I’m sorry. I should have called and thanked you. Let me make it up to and take you to dinner on Friday.”
“I’d like that.”
    “Aun’ Nell.” Geoff raced out of the barn and threw himself around her legs. She looked slightly panicked and tentatively stroked his head. He lifted himself away and took her hand, pulling her toward the barn. “Hos.”

    She let Geoff show her the horses before heading back to her car, looking at Len. “I’ll see you Friday.” She smiled at him and then climbed in her car and drove away.
    “She likes you.” Len hadn’t heard Cliff approach, and he jumped slightly.
Shit, that was the last thing he needed. “We’re just friends.”
    “I don’t think she sees it that way.” God, just what he didn’t want—Janelle getting ideas that he was interested in her. But as he watched her car pull out of the driveway, he began looking at her behavior in a different light, and what he saw scared him.

    Geoff tugged on his pant leg. “Wen hossie wide.” Len bent down and picked up the toddler, bouncing him in the air. “Yup.” Len looked at Cliff and found him smiling. “Let’s go saddle Misty, and I’ll give you a horsie ride.” 74
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“Yay!”
For the time being, other concerns faded away in the glow of little Geoff’s happiness.
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    “I DON’T know what to do, Mom.” Len sat on the sofa in their living room, holding his head in his hands. “I’m so damned confused.” He’d been floundering for the last week and even more so since his dinner with Janelle on Friday.

    She sat down next to him, her hand on his back, “I know you are, honey, but that comes with the territory. When you told me you were gay, I already knew. But the confirmation was still a bit of a shock, even though I tried to keep it from you.”

    “Why didn’t you tell me?” He worried that he might have hurt her.

    She took his hand, squeezing it gently in hers. “Because it was more important at the time for you to know that it didn’t really matter to me, that I’d love you no matter what, and with time I understood. The thing is: you being honest with me meant you no longer had to hide, at least with me.”
    “That doesn’t really help me.” His head was starting to pound.
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    “Doesn’t it?” Len lifted his head as his mother spoke. “You need to be honest with yourself and those in your life. Remember how happy you were once Ruby knew and you could talk about things with her, and just be yourself without the hiding and the lying?”
    He sighed loudly. “Yeah, I do.” God, he missed her.
“Most people would tell you to be quiet and keep it to yourself, and to a degree that’s true. You don’t have to flaunt that you’re gay, but you don’t have to hide either. You need to decide how you want to live your life: scared and alone or open and honest.” She patted his knee and got up from the sofa. “Only you can decide what’s right for you, not me or anyone else.” She turned off the television. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She patted his shoulder gently, and then he heard her steps as she walked to her bedroom and closed the door.
    Len sat quietly without moving, thinking things over. He liked his job at the farm and didn’t want to lose it. It was hard