Love Means Courage - Andrew Grey
try.” “What thoughts?”
The sigh seemed to deflate him. “That I’m being unfaithful to Ruby.”
A tickle of sadness scratched at his throat. “You know she was my friend. The best friend I ever had.”
“Did she know? Did you ever tell her?” Len nodded. “She did know, and I didn’t tell her; she told me.
At your wedding while I was dancing with her. She told me to find someone who would make me happy.” He ran his fingertips over Cliff’s cheek, leaving the rest unspoken.
Cliff whispered almost to himself. “She never said anything.”
“She promised she’d respect my privacy, and that was one thing about her, she never broke a confidence. Once she made a promise to keep something secret, the CIA couldn’t have dragged it out of her.” Len smiled, remembering his friend.
Cliff smiled too, but it soon faded. “I loved her very much, but there was always this part of me that needed something else. I never 120 Andrew Grey
told her and did my best to deny it even to myself because I didn’t want to hurt her or get hurt myself. But something that I couldn’t describe was always missing, and I feel so guilty….” He swallowed, and Len gave him a minute to get hold of his feelings.
“She knew you loved her, and you made her happy. The day she told me she was pregnant, and then when I saw her with Geoff, those were the happiest I ever saw her.” Cliff swallowed hard. “But what would she feel about this, me—us?”
Len was quiet, thinking how he could best answer a question that no one could answer, not now. “Cliff, she knows now, and I know how I think she feels, but I can’t answer that question for you.
That’s one thing you have to answer for yourself. But the one thing I can tell you is that she always, always, always wanted me to be happy, and I know she wants the same for you.” Len looked into Cliff’s sad, confused, conflicted eyes. “When you were married, you were faithful to her?” Cliff nodded. “You loved her?” Cliff nodded again. “But—”
“You gave her all the love you had, and that’s all anyone can ever ask for.” Slowly, Len got to his feet and stood by the edge of the blanket. He wanted to kiss that look off Cliff’s face, but he was afraid it would only add to his confusion. He needed to give Cliff time to decide how he felt. Oh, he probably could have nestled Cliff back on the blanket and made him forget what he was feeling for a while in a lust-induced haze, but that was not what he wanted. He didn’t want Cliff’s lust; he wanted his passion and love. Extending his hand, he helped Cliff to his feet. “We should probably get back.” Cliff bent down to fold up the blanket, and Len turned to untie Misty. “I waited almost five years for you to kiss me again; I can wait a little longer for—”
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“Did you say something?” Cliff asked.
The leather creaked as Len mounted, hiding his huff of annoyance. “No.” Cliff mounted as well, and they rode quietly back to the farm, both of them deep in thought.
At the barn, Len unsaddled Misty and put her in a pasture while Cliff unsaddled Thunder. “I’ll meet you inside in a few minutes.” Len must have given him a confused look because Cliff continued, “Remember, you promised to help me with the projections?”
“I remember. I’ll finish up here and be right in.” Cliff stopped and looked at Len. He even opened his mouth to say something, but stopped and turned, walking out of the barn. Len wondered what Cliff was about to say as he watched him leave.
Shaking his head, he got Thunder settled before leaving the barn himself.
Len knocked on the back door and then opened it, slipping off his boots and walking into the kitchen.
“Hi, Len.”
“Hi, Mari. How’s work going? I was surprised you had the day off.”
She smiled back at him. “I had a vacation day to use, and Cliff said he needed some help. The kids are excited about summer vacation, and I figured they could torture a substitute for a day.” She grinned and turned back to the sink. “Cliff’s in the office.” Len looked around, wondering where Geoff was. “Thanks.” He went through the living room and knocked on the door frame.
Geoff was playing on the office floor, and Cliff was scowling over the papers he was working on.
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“Hi, Wen.”
“Hi, Geoff. Oof.” He humphed as a small body plowed into him.
Cliff looked up from his papers, still scowling. “Geoff, please go
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