Love Means No Shame - Andrew Grey

a note to go down to the bank to talk to them about the farm accounts, find out about his dad’s personal accounts, and see what was going on with something his father listed as his emergency account.
    Len knocked on the door frame. “Can we talk for a while?” Geoff closed the ledgers and turned off the light. “Living room?” Len nodded, and Geoff got up and followed him.
    Len sat in his usual chair. “I’ve decided that I’m going to move.”
“What? Where are you going?” This was not good. He didn’t want Len going anywhere.
    “Sorry… I mean that I want to change bedrooms. The house is yours, and you should be using the master bedroom, and….” Geoff waited for him to finish. “Sleeping in that room without Cliff… I thought I could do it, but I just can’t. There’re too many memories,” Len finished. Geoff wasn’t sure he could use the room either, but he could understand Len’s feelings. “I’ll help you move whenever you want.” “Thank you.” Len reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. “Your dad asked me to give this to you once you’d made your decision about keeping the farm.” Len handed it to him and got out of the chair. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He then went upstairs.

    Geoff stared at the envelope he held in his hand. He could see his name on it in his dad’s distinctive scrawl. Finally, he opened it and pulled out a handwritten letter.
    33
Andrew Grey
My Darling Son:
    By now I’m sure that Len has told you what I did and why. I know you’re probably upset with me, but this is what I wanted. These last few months have been filled with unending pain from the cancer and prodding from the doctors. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I know you would have tried to talk me out of it, and I could never deny you anything.
    I asked Len to give you this letter once you’d made a decision about keeping or selling the farm. In case you’re wondering, I know what you chose, and I’m proud you decided to keep it. You will be the fourth generation to run the farm, and I know you’ll pass it on to the next generation in as good a shape as I’m passing it to you. You love this land as much as I do; it’s in your blood.
    There are some things I need you to do.
    Please take care of Len. He’s the love of my life, and I was blessed with both him and you. I hope he’ll find someone and be happy again, and you mustn’t try to stop him. He deserves all the happiness he can find in this world, just as you do. Farming can be a very lonely life, so find yourself someone to love who loves you back. That makes everything else worth it.
    Finally, I want to tell you how much I love you and how proud I am to have you as a son.
34
Love Means … NO SHAME
    You brightened my life every day. The first time I held you, I couldn’t fathom how quickly anyone could capture my heart, but one look from your big blue eyes, and I was a goner. As you grew up, you became an extraordinary man with a huge capacity for love and caring.
    You will be tried by many things in the years to come, but whatever happens, remain the same loving, caring person you are today. I love you always,
Dad
    Geoff’s eyes stung and his throat hurt as he finished the letter and put it back in the envelope. Walking back into the office, he placed the letter in the top drawer, turned off the lights, and went upstairs, his father’s words singing in his ears.

    35

    Andrew Grey
GEOFF had never needed an alarm to get him up in the morning—
    well, at least when he hadn’t been drinking—and this morning wasn’t an exception. It was still dark, and Geoff was out of bed, cleaned up, dressed, and in the kitchen grabbing a bite to eat before going to the barn for his morning ride. He heard a soft knock and opened the door to find Lumpy standing on the steps, looking concerned. “There’s something in the barn that you have to see.” Geoff felt dubious but followed Lumpy across the yard, into the barn, and down to the empty stall on the end, where he saw a pair of black boots. Looking into the stall, he was surprised to see a pair of legs, and peeking around the corner, the sleeping form of what looked like a boy. The barn was still largely dark, with only the early morning light coming through the windows and open door, but it was enough for Geoff to see that this boy was extraordinary. It was only after seeing his sleeping face that he noticed the black pants sticking out from under the black coat