Me

be.
    Once I chose the egg donor, the next step was to find the woman who would lend her belly to carry the baby. My lawyers advised that it would be best to do it anonymously. They explained that the mothers who carry babies are completely used to that, and some of them even prefer it because it makes it seem as if they are pregnant with their own child and they can go about their lives perfectly normally. In fact, most cases of surrogate motherhood are handled privately and with no contact, as if it was a closed adoption. There are open adoptions in which all parties agree to remain in contact and are known to each other, but there are also closed adoptions, where women who are giving their babies up for adoption don’t want to have any contact at all with the baby or with the parents who are going to raise him or her. And often, the adoptive parents also don’t want to have any kind of connection with the biological mother. This is a similar thing. The mothers who donate their eggs or carry the babies understand and accept the fact that the mother or father who will raise the child has chosen not to have any ties to those who have helped bring the child into the world.
    Open surrogacy also exists, in which the surrogate mother can be in contact with the family, and eventually with the child. It all depends on what’s best in each individual case. In my case, I felt it would be best to have a closed surrogacy.
    I stayed in touch with the surrogate mother throughout her entire pregnancy. But we did it anonymously. I was also in touch with her doctors regularly. Even though I was not by her side physically, I was with her throughout the entire pregnancy and I made sure she received the best care possible.
    If my sons want to know about their egg donor when they are older, I will be able to show them photographs of her. They have a right to know who she is; she is part of their genetic history. But she asked that we not have any contact. She says she really didn’t have much to do with this, and that she doesn’t necessarily have the desire to have children. She said she did it for the simple fact of being able to help others to form a family, and that is enough of a blessing.
    Meanwhile, the woman who carried the boys has no genetic connection to them. She simply lent her belly. I am very grateful for what she did, and if I do it again in the future, I would love for it to be she who carries my children again. She had already been through the process previously, and she came well recommended by the agency. When I interviewed her, I asked her why she was doing it, and she responded: “I am a very spiritual woman, and I have never felt as close to God as when I am able to give the gift of life to someone who cannot do it on their own.”
    I loved her response. I felt that we were aligned in our beliefs and her words inspired my great respect for her. For me it was an honor that a woman like her would take care of my children for nine months, and I am eternally grateful to her for the calm and healthy environment she provided for them.
    I started this whole process when I was on the Black and White Tour. It was around August of 2007 when I first typed the word “surrogacy” into a search engine and began to learn everything I could about the subject. Shortly thereafter, I began the process of selecting an egg donor and the woman who would lend her belly, along with all the medical tests and legal documents that are required. The tour ended in November, and approximately one month later I found out that the surrogate mother was pregnant. That year I celebrated New Year’s by giving thanks for the miraculous gift that awaited me.
    Typically in surrogacy, two embryos are implanted to increase the possibility of success, and to avoid the possibility of having to go through the whole process multiple times. But even though I always knew there were two embryos, I figured I was only going to have one child. Of course, as if it wasn’t enough to become a father, life had yet another surprise for me, and this one came about two weeks into the pregnancy when they told me I was going to have twins!
    A close friend who knows me well and who has worked with me for over twenty years said, “Man, can’t you do anything normal in your life? You always have to do things outrageously. . . . It seems that for you this is the only way!”
    I can’t begin to describe my joy when I found out there was going to be two of them. . .