Mortal Danger

After her story became public, Kate heard from a number of women who had been living with domestic violence, although they admitted they’d always been afraid to talk about it. Studies show that most women attempt to leave eight times before they succeed in breaking patterns of abuse, fear, and guilt.
    “Even worse is the attitude of women who have said to me, ‘I just don’t understand why the woman stays,’” Kate said ruefully. “Their tone suggests that they would never stay in such a situation. To them, I say, ‘Don’t judge me if you haven’t walked in my shoes.’ When you are a woman who gives her heart totally and makes a true commitment to a relationship—to honor that commitment and to remain loyal through good times and bad—it’s almost impossible to believe that the situation will become too bad for you to fix.
    “And there’s also the dream factor. Most relationships are built on having common dreams and goals. I thought John and I shared that—helping people and making a positive impact on the world. I know Turi believed that, too. Letting go of that dream was excruciatingly painful. Sometimes it still is. Accepting that the dream is dead is an exceptionally hard thing to do. Accepting that you can’t fix it is harder.”

Afterword
    There was something that Kate still needed to do, although many people might not understand it. She had wanted to warn John’s next victim, but she’d never been able to find her. For eight years, she had thought of what she would say to save that woman. Now, she knew her name, but it was too late. She wrote to Turi Bentley anyway, hoping that Turi would somehow be able to hear her.
    And hoping that women in similar danger would get the message and save themselves.
    Here is Kate’s letter:
    Dear Turi,
    Although I’ll never know you, in many ways I feel I do. I know you were a kind and loving person who met a man who was warm, sensitive, tender, communicative, and appeared to be loving and supportive. He was very intelligent and you believed in his view of health and thought that he could reach his full potential with your love and support. You, who truly cared about people and wanted to help them to have better health, and, therefore, better lives, believedthat the man you knew as John Williams had a gift. One that you embraced and wanted to help him share with the world.
    I know these things because I too believed in John William Branden and nearly lost my life for doing so. How I wish I could have warned you. Would you have listened? How I wish you would not have challenged him that last night. Maybe if you had just stayed in your room, the outcome could have been different.
    Yet I know how absurd, frustrating, aggravating and crazy-making John’s insanity was. I know what it’s like to look into the face of a man who has professed so very often to love you fully, unconditionally and forever, and then watch his lips form the words, ‘I’m going to kill you.’ I also know that you hear those words, look into his eyes and know he won’t. If you can just survive the episode.
    I also know that John could truly mean those words as when he told me, ‘You’re going to die tonight.’ And his eyes said he was dead serious.
    You cannot imagine the sorrow and guilt I’ve felt over your death. When I first heard of your tragic death, I felt guilty that I hadn’t died, for then the authorities might have looked harder at John, you wouldn’t have met him and would still be alive today, enjoying and being enjoyed by your children and grandchildren.
    Your family is what I feel most guilty about. I have no children, no grandchildren. I so often wonder why I’m even still here and pray that I will figure out why,and use the rest of my life to give something good to the world.
    I am heartsick that I could do nothing to change your outcome. I KNEW John WOULD KILL the next woman he was with, and still can’t think of anything more I could have done. But how I wish there could have been something.
    I probably know better than anyone what you went through that night, and the others when you locked yourself in the bedroom. Somewhere—and I think it began with the abuse from his sister (if any of that is true), and accelerated during his relationship with Bill Thaw, John’s dark side evolved into creating his bipolar personality. His drinking, of course, led him deeper and deeper into his anger, paranoia, and psychosis. It wasn’t YOUR job, or mine, to