Moving Pictures

which—”
    A couple of wizards carefully moved their chairs away from him.
    “Ah, sex ,” said the Dean of Pentacles, interrupting the Lecturer in Recent Runes in mid-sigh. “Far too much of it these days, in my opinion.”
    “Oh, I don’t know,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. He looked wistful.
    The noise woke up Windle Poons, who had been dozing in his wheelchair by the fire. There was always a roaring fire in the Uncommon Room, summer or winter.
    “Wassat?” he said.
    The Dean leaned toward an ear.
    “I was saying,” he said loudly, “that we didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘sex’ when we were young.”
    “That’s true. That’s very true,” said Poons. He stared reflectively at the flames. “Did we ever, mm, find out, do you remember?”
    There was a moment’s silence.
    “Say what you like, she’s a fine figure of a young woman,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes defiantly.
    “Several young women,” said the Dean.
    Windle Poons focused unsteadily on the poster.
    “Who’s the young feller?” he said.
    “What young feller?” said several wizards.
    “He’s in the middle of the picture,” said Poons. “He’s holding her in his arms.”
    They looked again. “Oh, him,” said the Chair, dismissively.
    “Seems to me I’ve, mm, seen him before,” said Poons.
    “My dear Poons, I hope you haven’t been sneaking off to the moving pictures,” said the Dean, grinning at the others.
    “You know it’s demeaning for a wizard to patronize the common entertainments. The Archchancellor would be very angry with us.”
    “Wassat?” said Poons, cupping a hand to his ear.
    “He does look a bit familiar, now that you mention it,” said the Dean, peering at the poster.
    The Lecturer in Recent Runes put his head on one side.
    “It’s young Victor, isn’t it?” he said.
    “Eh?” said Poons.
    “You know, you could be right,” said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. “He had the same type of weedy mustache.”
    “Who’s this?” said Poons.
    “But he was a student. He could have been a wizard,” said the Dean. “Why would he want to go off and fondle young women?”
    “It’s a Victor all right, but not our Victor. Says here he’s ‘Victor Maraschino,’” said the Chair.
    “Oh, that’s just a click name,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes airily. “They all have funny names like that. Delores De Syn and Blanche Languish and Rock Cliffe and so on…” He realized that they were looking at him accusingly. “Or so I’m told,” he added lamely. “By the porter. He goes to see a click nearly every night.”
    “What’re you on about?” said Poons, waving his walking stick in the air.
    “The cook goes every night, too,” said the Chair. “So do most of the kitchen staff. You just try getting so much as a ham sandwich after nine o’clock.”
    “Just about everyone goes,” said the Lecturer. “Except us.”
    One of the other wizards peered intently at the bottom of the poster.
    “It says here,” he said, “‘A Sarger of Passione and Broad Staircases in Ankh-Morpork’s Turbelent Histry!’”
    “Ah. It’s historical, then, is it?” said the Lecturer.
    “And it says ‘A Epic Love Story that Astoundede Goddes and Menne!!’”
    “Oh? Religious, as well.”
    “And it says, ‘Withe a 1,000 elephants!!!’”
    “Ah. Wildlife. Always very educational, wildlife,” said the Chair, looking speculatively at the Dean. The other wizards were doing so, too.
    “It seems to me,” said the Lecturer, slowly, “that no one could possibly object to senior wizards viewing a work of historical, religious and, er, wildliforific interest.”
    “University rules are very specific,” said the Dean, but not very enthusiastically.
    “But surely only meant for the students,” said the Lecturer. “I can quite understand that students shouldn’t be allowed to watch something like this. They’d probably whistle and throw things at the screen. But it couldn’t be seriously suggested, could it, that senior wizards such as ourselves shouldn’t examine this popular phenomenon?”
    Poons’ flailing walking stick caught the Dean sharply across the back of his legs.
    “I demand to know what everyone’s talking about!” he snapped.
    “We don’t see why senior wizards shouldn’t be allowed to watch moving pictures!” bellowed the Chair.
    “Jolly good thing, too!” snapped Poons. “Everyone likes to look at a pretty woman.”
    “No one mentioned anything