Mulch ado about nothing

thirty. Where did Mike find her?“
    “At the nursery where he’s working. She was buying plants for the restaurant where she works. The owner must have taste as bad as hers to turn her loose to make decorating decisions, considering how she’s decorated herself.“
    “Don’t worry. Mike’s a bright kid. He won’t fall for her,“ Shelley said.
    “What if you’re wrong?“ Jane whined. “Can you imagine having a daughter-in-law like that? Think of the wedding. Probably held in a Thai restaurant with bridesmaids in underwear or saris. Or under some bridge downtown next door to a body-piercing emporium.“
    “Maybe he just dragged her in to show you a novelty,“ Shelley said.
    “Dear God, I hope so.“
    “Jane, you’re the one going over the edge. He apparently just met her. Don’t go worrying about a wedding. You’ll see that he doesn’t marry until he finishes college.”

Seven

    Jane puttered around in the kitchen awkwardly, trying to think what would be easiest to cook for dinner. A roast maybe. Just put it in a bag and drag it out later. But that would take two hands. Could she balance herself well enough without at least one crutch to do that? Hamburgers on the grill? Nope, too many steps down to the patio.
    As she cruised the fridge, there was a banging on her kitchen door and Ursula Appledorn walked in. Jane wished she weren’t so careless about locking up and that non-family members or close friends would not assume an unlocked door meant you didn’t have to knock. But she put on a welcoming smile because that was how she’d been raised.
    “You need good food and I’ve brought it to you. Hold the screen door for me,“ Ursula said, going back to an even more disreputable station wagon than Jane’s.
    In a moment she was back with a large paper carton that she started unloading on Jane’s kitchen counter.
    “Hominy,“ she said of a covered dish she slapped down. “Lots of nutrients. Some dandelion greens from my own yard, barely cooked so the vitamins are still in them. Be sure to drink the juice. Tons of calcium and potassium. Good for broken bones.“
    “Uh... Ursula, I’m planning to have hamburgers for dinner.“
    “Meat?“ Ursula was stunned. “I didn’t think anyone actually ate meat these days. The government demands that so many cancer-causing chemicals are in it.“
    “I think you might have that backwards. The government tries to make the farmers take out the chemicals,“ Jane said, examining the dandelion greens, which seemed to have a good many foreign objects that looked like insects cooked up with the greens. She hoped they were just flowers that had wilted to that stage.
    “No, dear. The government is responsible for poisoning us. At the very least, you have to admit they allow it. Look at the strawberries that they let into this country. Death on a stem. And here’s some totally natural bread. I made it myself out of organically grown potato flour and free-range eggs. “ The bread made a thunk like a brick being dropped.
    “Ursula, I’m really not entirely helpless. I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but—“
    “Think nothing of it, Jane. We’re all in this together. I’m a nurse, you know. Well, I was a nurseuntil the government took away my license on a foolish pretense.“
    “What was the pretense?“ Jane couldn’t help but ask.
    “Drug dealing,“ Ursula said calmly, taking the lid off a bowl of soybean curd with a greenish blue gravy over it that looked suspiciously like algae. “Ridiculous, of course. I didn’t use any of the so-called controlled substances. Only natural herbs, spices, and minerals for my private patients. And they all thrived. Why, one got to be a hundred and one years old and left me all her money out of gratitude for making her last two years so stimulating. Now, sit down at the table and let me dish this all up for you.”
    By now Jane needed to sit down, but not to eat. Was this, she hoped, a onetime visit or did Ursula plan on forcing revolting food on her until her foot healed? Horrors!
    Ursula rummaged in a drawer and brought up a battered kitchen spoon to ladle her creations onto a plate sitting on the counter. “There now, just taste. You’ll feel ever so much better.”
    There was another knock on the door and Ursula ran to let Shelley in.
    “Oh, Ms. Appledorn. I didn’t know you were here. “ When Ursula turned away from her, Shelley winked at Jane.
    Jane gave Shelley a HELP ME! look.
    “I’m just giving