Mulch ado about nothing

Rhodes scholarships. To train Americans to think like Brits.“
    “I never knew,“ Jane said. “Ursula, it’s awfully nice of you to have visited, but you’ll have to excuse me. I have some letters to write and a couple birthday cards that have to go in the mail this evening.“
    “I’ll run you to the post office—and speaking of the post office, they’re part of it, too. Do you have any idea how many postal workers are Masons?”
    Shelley was back, still pretending she had a little coughing fit. “I don’t think Jane should really go anywhere right now. She needs to rest. I’ll take her mail for her.”
    Ursula took this with good grace. Gathering up the huge purse and only dropping two cigarette lighters and a receipt, she said, “Get a good night’s sleep and I’ll see you two in the morning at class. “ She barged out, forgetting to even close the kitchen door.
    Jane and Shelley sat back, not speaking, only sighing in unison.
    A few seconds later, the screen door opened again and Ursula was back with three of the scrappiest paperback books Jane had ever seen. One was held together along the spine with strap- ping tape. All were stained and creased with crumbling covers.
    “Here, ladies, read up. You’ll find them fascinating. “ She dumped them on the coffee table and went off again, tossing a remark over her shoulder about needing to get them back someday.
    This time Shelley followed her and, when Ursula’s battered vehicle was out of sight, closed and locked the door.
    “I’ve heard of people like her,“ Shelley said, sitting back down by Jane, “but never really believed the descriptions of them. Now we know that there are true nutcases roaming our very own neighborhood.“
    “She’s really sort of frightening, isn’t she?“ Jane said seriously. “I mean, isn’t she exactly the kind of nut who decides that a bunch of Boy Scouts are Nazi spies and poisons their milk to save the world?“
    “I’m not sure. But she frightens me just the same. And if I weren’t a bit scared of her, I’d still dislike her. She’s one of those people who get everything wrong, and when corrected, merely ignore the correction. Not that I go around correcting people if I can help it,“ she added with a smile.
    “Funny. I hadn’t noticed that about you. “ Jane smiled back.
    “You’ve absolutely got to keep all your doors locked and stay in the back of the house where nobody can see you tottering around,“ Shelley warned. “She’s latched on to you and will be back.“
    “Maybe I can make it clear that I don’t want help?“
    “You can’t. People like that are incapable of being insulted or brushed off. She’s probably gone through dozens, if not hundreds, of potential friends with her loony pronouncements. People have probably moved from their homes in the middle of the night to escape her and gone to live in Venezuela under assumed names.“
    “Oh, Shelley,“ Jane whined. “My life’s falling apart before my eyes. My foot is broken; my son is out to dinner with a freak of a girl; and I have a nutcase groupie.”
    Shelley just shook her head. “Such is life,“ she said.

Eight

    Jane was getting ready for bed when the phone rang. It was Ursula again. “Jane, have you eaten your dinner yet?”
    Gritting her teeth with irritation for a moment, Jane said in a cool formal voice, “Not yet.“
    “You must eat, dear. You need all the nutrients you can get.”
    Jane drew a deep breath and tried to overcome her upbringing in the diplomatic corps.
    “Ursula, I know you mean well, but I’m an intelligent adult and can take perfectly good care of myself.”
    As Shelley had predicted, Ursula took no offense. “I know you are. I’m just concerned about you.“
    “Thank you, but I’m already in bed and almost asleep, so I have to hang up now.”
    Jane put the phone down before Ursula could reply.
    She knew she’d been rude, but knew of no other way to get rid of this extremely annoying person. Especially when she had other disturbing things on her mind.
    The doctor had told her she must be very careful of her foot. The fracture was clear across the large outside bone but still in place. If it shifted, he warned, they’d have to operate and pin it back in place and she’d be on crutches for a very long time.
    And her older son was going out with a girl who had deliberately made herself look like a freak. She always thought he had abnormally good sense. Had she merely fooled