My Butterfly

behind the wheel and gently closed the door behind me.
    The parking lot was full of cars. It was three thirty in the afternoon. I made my way over the gravel and to the pavement and planted my eyes on the track up the hill. I could tell that there were people up there, but I couldn’t make anyone out.
    “Whoa,” I suddenly heard a voice come from behind me.
    I stopped as a guy with shorts and a cutoff tee shirt breezed past me, brushing my shoulder.
    “Sorry,” I said.
    “No problem, buddy,” he said, continuing his jog up the hill.
    “Uh, hey,” I called out after him.
    The guy stopped and looked back at me.
    “I don’t want to mess up your, uh, running…,” I started.
    He laughed before I could say anything else.
    “It’s fine. I wish more people would stop me,” he said. “I could use the breaks.”
    I hesitated, as my mouth lifted into a grin.
    “I was just wondering if the whole team was practicing up there right now,” I said.
    He took a second.
    “Should be,” he said. “It’s Monday. We’re usually all here toward the beginning of the week. It only gets pretty thin toward the end.”
    “Aah,” I said, nodding my head.
    He started to turn but hesitated.
    “You need help finding someone?” he asked.
    “Uh, no,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s okay. Thanks though.”
    “No problem,” he said.
    I watched him turn again and trot up the hill and eventually disappear onto the track.
    The note in my hand was getting crumpled and sweaty. I tried to smooth out its wrinkles as I continued my trek up the hill to a set of tall, metal gates.
    I reached the entrance about a minute later. The gates were open, so I walked in. And a few steps later, I stopped at a shorter fence that looked as if it wrapped all the way around the track.
    I quickly scanned the whole place first. I was looking for a blonde with those little shorts she always wore. But there were so many people in one, small area, and they all seemed to be wearing the same, little shorts.
    My eyes eventually got stuck on the grassy field inside the track. There was a guy there throwing a long spear. I watched as the spear left his hands and landed in a spot in the grass almost a hundred yards away from him. Then, my gaze ventured to my right, and I spotted a girl catapulting herself high into the air and over a bar. The thought of being that high in the air on top of that narrow of a stick made me cringe.
    I quickly forced my eyes away from the high bar then and scanned the rest of the track until I stumbled onto her. There she was, at the far end of the field. She was stretching. She looked beautiful. Maybe she would come to dinner with me tonight. Maybe she’d even ask me to stay. I smiled and let go of an excited breath. Then, I gripped the note tighter in my hand and stepped even closer to the fence. But I kept my eyes planted on her. She was wearing her little shorts and a tee shirt with the university’s mascot on it. And she looked as if she was talking to someone behind a big mat, but I couldn’t tell who it was. She was smiling, though, and it made me smile wider.
    I watched her for a few more seconds. Then, someone stood up from behind the mat. It kind of looked like the guy I had just run into. He was wearing the same shorts and tee shirt, and he had that blondish, reddish hair. My eyes followed him as he walked closer to Julia. She must have been talking to him—and she was still talking to him. I felt my smile start to fade.
    I narrowed my eyes and watched as Julia stood up too. She played with her hair for a second and then positioned it on top of her head again. Her playing with her hair forced a grin back to my face.
    I watched then as she walked over to the fence nearest to her and pulled something out of it, while I nervously tapped the note in my hand with my thumb and thought about what to do next.
    Eventually, my eyes left Jules and went to the note. I stared at it for a second. Then, I forced it open and read over its words one more time:
 
    Jules,
Thanks for making a night in the hospital a night I never want to forget. Not surprisingly, you’re a part of a lot of those kind of nights for me. Jules, I’m sorry I don’t always know what to say or when to say it. I’m sorry I didn’t give you what you deserved when I had the chance. But, Jules, I just want you to know that I love you with everything I am—a million times a million and to the moon and back. Forgive me, Jules, and give your life