Night Watch

wizards under decent old Ridcully, you know. And you’re not His Grace Commander Sir Samuel Vimes, neither. You’re a rough-looking devil who’ll be burbling a story about thunderstorms and flying through time, to a bunch of rather devious and unpleasant men. You’ll be lucky if they only laugh at you. Anyway, even if they wanted to be helpful, they’d hit the same problem.”
    “And what’s that?”
    “It can’t be done. Not yet.” For the first time in the conversation, Sweeper looked ill at ease. “The big problem I’m facing, Mister Vimes, is that I ought to tell you a few things that I’m not, in any circumstances, allowed to tell you. But you’re a man who isn’t happy until he knows the facts. I respect that. Unless you’re satisfied, you won’t help us. I know I can’t expect you to believe me—”
    The noise of the big cylinders changed for a moment, and Vimes felt a very slight shock, a suggestion that his whole body had just gone plib.
    “So here’s someone you might believe—”
    “Hold it,” said Vimes, still staring at him. “What happened to your cigarette?”
    “Hmm?”
    “You were holding half a roll-up and now it’s gone!”
    “I finished it ten minutes ago,” said the Sweeper. “Roll ’em, boys.”
    The tone of the spinning cylinders changed slightly.
    Sam Vimes saw himself standing in the middle of the room.
    “That’s me!”
    “Yeah, right,” said Sweeper. “Now listen to the man.”
    “Hello, Sam,” said the other Vimes, staring not quite at him. “I can’t see you but they say you can see me. Remember the smell of lilac? You thought about those who died. And then you told Willikins to hose down that kid. And, uh…you’ve got a pain in your chest you’re a bit worried about but you haven’t told anyone…That’s about enough, I think. You know I’m you. Now, there’s some things I can’t tell you. I can know ’em because I’m in a—” the speaker stopped and looked away, as if he was taking instruction from someone offstage “—a closed loop. Er…you could say I’m twenty minutes of your life you don’t recall. Remember when you had…”

    …a sensation that his whole body had just gone plib.
    Sweeper stood up. “I hate to do this,” he said, “but we’re in the temple and we can pretty much dampen out the paradoxes. On your feet, Mister Vimes. I’m going to tell you everything.”
    “You just said you couldn’t!”
    Sweeper smiled. “Need any help with those handcuffs?”
    “What, these old Capstick Mk. Ones? No, just give me a nail and a couple of minutes. How come I’m in a temple?”
    “I brought you here.”
    “You carried me?”
    “No. You walked with me. Blindfolded, of course. And then, when you were here, I gave you a little drink…”
    “I don’t remember that!”
    “Of course not. That was the purpose of the drink. Not very mystical, but it does the job. We don’t want you coming back here, now, do we? This place is supposed to be a secret— ”
    “You messed up my memory? Now you see here—” Vimes half stood, but Sweeper held up his hands placatingly.
    “Don’t worry, don’t worry, it just…made you forget a few minutes,” he said.
    “ How many minutes?”
    “Just a few, just a few. And it had herbs in it. Good for you, herbs. And then we let you sleep. Don’t worry, no one is after us. They’ll never know you’ve gone. See these things here?”
    Sweeper picked up an open-work box that lay beside his chair. It had a strap like a knapsack, and Vimes could just see a cylinder inside the box.
    “This is called a Procrastinator,” said the monk, “and it’s a tiny version of the ones over there, the ones that look like your granny’s mangle. I’m not going to get technical, but when it’s spinning it moves Time around you. Did you understand what I just said?”
    “No!”
    “All right, it’s a magic box. Happier?”
    “Go on,” said Vimes grimly.
    “You wore one of these and I led you here from the Watch House. Because you were wearing it, you were, shall we say, outside time. And after we’ve had this little talk, I’ll take you back to the Watch House and the old captain won’t know any difference. No time is passing in the outside world while we’re in the temple. The Procrastinators take care of that. Like I said, they move time around. Actually, what’s really happening is that they are moving us back in time at the same time that time moves us forward. We’ve got others