Nightside 08 - The Unnatural Inquirer

Bettie.
    “Oh.” Aday looked crest-fallen for a moment, and then brightened again. “All right, how about the Cardinal? You know, used to run the Vatican’s Extremely Forbidden Library. Until they discovered he was sneaking things out for his own private collection. Had to go on the run and ended up here, where he’s supposed to have built up a really impressive hoard of religious artifacts. He’s your man. If anyone’s got close to the Afterlife Recording, it’ll be the Cardinal.”
    “Good call,” I said. “Bettie, I think we need to pay the Cardinal a visit. It’s been a while since I scared the shit out of him, for the good of his soul.”
    “Ah,” said Aday, smiling craftily. “Word is, he’s moved, and taken his collection with him. Hardly anyone knows where he is now.”
    “But you know,” said Bettie.
    “Of course.”
    “Oh, please, please, Ricky sweetie, tell us where he is,” said Bettie, giving him the full fluttering eye-lashes treatment. “I’ll be ever so grateful, I promise.”
    Aday smirked triumphantly. “And what makes you think I’ll just give up a valuable piece of information like that?”
    “Because she asked you nicely,” I said. “I won’t.”
    Aday gave us the Cardinal’s new address, and directions on how to find it. Bettie and I left the Printer’s Devil. She waved good-bye and blew kisses in all directions. I didn’t. I had my dignity to consider.

SIX
    Heated Emotions from Unexpected Directions

    I t’s hard to maintain a reputation for being grim and mysterious when you’re accompanied by a brightly clad young thing, skipping merrily along at your side, holding your hand, and smiling sweetly on one and all. Still, it felt good to have Bettie with me. Her constant enthusiasm and optimism helped relieve a weight and burden I hadn’t even realised I was carrying. She made me feel…alive again.
    Following Rick Aday’s directions, we were heading into one of the more seedy areas of the Nightside, where the narrow streets are lined with scruffy little shops and emporiums, where half the street-lights never work, and most of the neon signs have letters missing. The kind of shop where there’s a sale on all the year round, where they specialise in only fairly convincing knock-offs of whatever brand-names are currently fashionable or in demand, where the buyer had better not only beware, but carry a large stick and count his fingers on the way out. Shops that sell tarnished dreams and tacky nightmares, misleading miracles and wondrous devices, most of whose batteries have run down. Bottom feeders, in other words; tourist traps, and home to every cheap and nasty con you can think of. The crowds were just as heavy here, jostling each other off the pavement and shouldering each other out of the way. Everyone loves a bargain.
    And then, suddenly, everyone was yelling and running. I stopped and looked quickly around me. I hadn’t done anything. The crowds scattered quickly, to reveal Queen Helena striding down the street, staring grimly at me, at the head of her own small army of sycophants, followers, and armed men. I stood my ground, doing my best to appear casual and unconcerned. Bettie stuck close to me, quivering with excitement. Queen Helena finally crashed to a halt right in front of me, fixing me with her cold faraway eyes. She was wrapped from head to toe in thick white furs, parting now as she struck a regal pose, to reveal glimpses of blue-white skin. She looked like someone who had died and then been buried in the permafrost. There was no warmth anywhere in her harsh, regal features, but her eyes blazed with arrogant superiority. She looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to kneel or bow or offer to kiss her hand. So I ignored her completely, concentrating on the colourful figures who’d moved forward out of her army to back her up.
    “Take a good look,” I said cheerfully to Bettie. “It’s not every day you see so many prominent members of the Exiles Club out in public. Mostly, these aristocratic nobodies prefer to skulk inside their very own members-only club, addressing each other by their old titles because they’re the only ones that will. They trade grievances about lost lands and abandoned kingdoms, how nobody recognises true quality in this dreadful place, and how you just can’t get good servants any more.
    “The bald, stooped, and vulturelike figure to Queen Helena’s left is Zog, King of the Pixies. Word has it he’s been