Nude Men

the way Lady Henrietta and Sara manipulated me into it, without explaining anything to me beforehand.
     
    I am her boyfriend. Yes, I am her boyfriend. You are right to look at me. She probably wouldn’t have become famous if it wasn’t for me. She told me so herself that first night, when she said, “Maybe it’s you, maybe you bring me luck.”
    I’m very happy and content. I am a happy doggy, as one of my mother’s friends would say. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so well balanced in my life. Notice that I’m not talking to my cat anymore. Nor does she talk to me. This does not mean she’s not happy- No, she’s as affectionate as ever, but she simply stares at me dumbly most of the time, which makes me feel intelligent, normal, and sane. My greatest wish right now is for things to remain exactly as they are, and I do make that wish on my little white elephant. I’ve never made such a passive wish before, such an easy wish for you to accomplish. I’m not asking you to do anything. Rather, I’m sort of asking you not to do anything. Of course, there is the little cloud of Henrietta and Sara being unfriendly to me, but who cares? It’ll probably get cleared up by itself.
    At Laura’s shows, I sit in my chair and prop my feet up on another chair, to be supercomfortable. I’m the only one in the entire room who dares to do this. I even bring a nice little flat mushy pillow from home for my back, and it feels almost as if I’m in bed. My body tingles with warmth and comfort, and I sometimes fall asleep, which is why I always sit in a dark corner, to be less conspicuous. I drink Shirley Temples, hot chocolate, ginger ale, eat Jell-O. I don’t drink alcohol because I don’t like it, and I feel too comfortable to care what people think. If they ask me why I drink those childish sweet things, I can always say I’m an alcoholic and must abstain, which I think is more respectable than saying you just don’t like alcohol. I don’t like very prickly bubbles either, so I don’t drink Coke. I am basking: I think that’s the perfect word. Yes, I am basking.
    I look at the people to see if they are looking at me. I wonder if they know who I am, that I am the lover of the woman they love. I’m not jealous of her success. The pretension of the whole thing baffles me. I don’t feel she deserves her success, which makes it all the more wonderful. What could be better than getting something you don’t deserve?
    Her show has become a sort of cult, like The Rocky Horror Show, only infinitely more intellectual and dignified. Her magic is ever changing, ever improving, ever metamorphosing. She introduces tricks whose effect lies not in secondary function, as opposed to primary function, but rather in simple and slight unusualness. For example, she takes off her boots, and her feet are bare. She has spurned the expectation that one wears socks under boots. She pushes the top hat off her head and lets it dangle down her back like a cowboy hat. If not quite startling, this effect is at least uncommon.
    Laura also adds frills to her show. She comes down to the audience and takes things from people. The interest here lies in the fact that she chooses the one thing that each person will miss least, like a pack of cigarettes, a pen, a plastic lighter, a handkerchief, a shoelace, a button. And she is always right in her choice. The problem is that even the thing they will miss least is sometimes something that they will miss too much. Therefore, people start bringing wrapped presents for Laura, which they place on their tables for her to take, which she does. After the show, Laura and I unwrap the presents and find a nut, a pebble, a thimble, a coin. People often give her nice presents too, like silver lighters, gold earrings, silk scarves, makeup, tickets to musicals, because they love her. Sometimes the presents are bribes. One evening, accompanying a pretty pendant, there was a letter: “I am a middle-aged man with gray hair. At your next show I will be wearing a yellow tie so that you can easily recognize me. I would be grateful if you would do tricks that no one would normally clap at. I will clap at them enthusiastically, and you will smile in approval to make people think that I’m a talented and perceptive clapper. I need this boost in my social life right now. There’s plenty more where this necklace came from.” There’s an address and phone number at the bottom of the card. Laura does not accept bribes.