Nude Men

usually killing the pleasure, beyond a certain point. The reason people have a hard time realizing that pain and happiness can live in perfect harmony is simply because that particular coupling of feelings does not happen very often. The most frequent cases in ordinary life of pain and happiness are women in labor, women who want their baby very, very much. You’ll see, it’s a fascinating phenomenon. People with the Happy Symptom often say uncommon things when they are in pain.”
    Henrietta is silent on the tape recorder.
    “But don’t worry too much,” the doctor continues. “These symptoms won’t last long. As soon as those two sections of her brain are vanquished, which, as I said, should take about two weeks, the pain will disappear quickly and entirely. And so will the happiness.”
    Henrietta is still silent.
    “Do you have any more questions?” asks the doctor.
    “Yes,” she says. “How will it be before the end? Will she get much worse?”
    “No. Pain will not come back, which is the beauty of her particular tumor. She won’t get gradually weaker, or lose weight, or get numb. She will simply die. The unfortunate aspect is that you will have no warning. It will be very sudden.”
    “How do you mean sudden? She’ll just fall down and be dead?”
    “I don’t know if she’ll fall down, but she’ll be dead. I suppose if she happens to be standing, she might fall down. Or she might sit in a chair first, and simply close her eyes. Or, if you’re walking down the street, she might sit on the ground, or lie down on the sidewalk, and close her eyes.”
     
    T he very next day, Sara’s pain is already starting to increase. The times of no pain diminish in length and frequency. The happiness begins. Henrietta calls and tells me that Sara is suffering terribly. I go and see them. As soon as I step out of the elevator, I hear Sara screaming. When I enter the apartment, she’s sitting on the couch, clutching her head and banging it against the pillow. There is a huge smile on her face.
    “Jeremy!” she exclaims, as soon as she sees me. “I’ve never felt like this before. I feel as though my face is being ripped apart. It feels so real! It’s better than any special effect I’ve ever seen.”
    Henrietta is sitting next to her, looking green. Sara howls with pain once more, and says, “That’s the nail again now.” Her face is contorted with pain and joy. “It feels as though someone very strong is slowly pushing a nail into my skull, and I really wish they’d just hammer it in quickly and get it over with.”
    “A nail?” I say.
    “Yes. It’s a long nail that moves toward the center of my mind, and when it reaches the center, I know I will die.”
    Henrietta finally speaks: “The doctor said the pain will stop long before it reaches the center.”
    “And that’s not all, Jeremy,” says Sara. “There’s a third special effect that I’ve had since last night. It’s that the back of my head is open and my brain is dribbling down my back. It is unfuckingbelievable! I even feel the wetness of my brain on the back of my neck.”
    I close my mouth, which has been open for the past few minutes.
     
    T he next day, not only is Sara fascinated by her pain, but the very idea that she’s dying has become immensely attractive to her. Henrietta informs me that Sara has told everyone in school that she’s dying, and people say she brags about it.
    “I can’t tell her not to be happy that she’s dying,” says Henrietta.
    “No, of course not,” I tell her.
    “You know what she was heard saying in school?”
    “What?”
    “She was heard saying, ‘Cool, man, I’m gonna die .’ ”
     
    * * *
     
    I finally call my mother, to tell her the tragic news about Sara I do not look forward to this, because knowing her, I wouldn’t be surprised if she said it was my sleeping with Sara that caused her tumor.
    When I tell her that Sara is dying, she doesn’t believe me. She says, “You’re just trying to torture me. You’re up to your same old tricks.”
    Me, up to my same old tricks!
    “It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe me,” I tell her sadly. “In fact, perhaps it’s better if you don’t. I just thought I should let you know.”
    A few minutes later, Henrietta calls to tell me that my mother just phoned to ask her if Sara was truly sick. When Henrietta assured her that she was, and dying as well, my mother expressed intense sympathy and offered words of support. My mother