On an Edge of Glass

though it’s the middle of the day and Ainsley has to get ready for the social that she’s going to tonight, and I’ve got my secret date with Ben. 
    And we’re happy and triumphant, and for a little while I don’t worry about LSAT questions that I think I missed, or that I should have gotten more sleep last night, or that I am lying to Ainsley and Payton about my sexual escapades.  I don’t think about the fact that I still have to complete a knock-out essay for my Columbia application, or that semester exams start in seventeen days.
                  For a few blissful moments, it seems possible that things can work out.  I imagine getting back an incredible LSAT score, and acing my exams, and getting the summer internship that I want.  In my head, Payton and Ainsley won’t be upset when they find out that I’ve slept with Ben, and Mark might get on board with my romantic life.  And maybe, he’ll go on a second date with Hal Shepherd. 
    It could happen.  It really could.
                  And this thing with Ben… it could be something.  I find myself thinking about him far too often, which is totally unlike me.  I’ve always been so focused on what’s next—never on the here and now.  And guys haven’t exactly been a priority before.  When I was fifteen and my friends were filling spiral notebooks with doodles of boy’s names, I was taking advanced classes that weren’t even required at my high school, and adding club activities to fluff my resume.  
                  Sure, I’ve been on my fair share of dates, but I can’t remember anyone making my heart go topsy turvy like this.  The only person that even came close was Simon Yancey, who had polo shirts in a wide array of My Little Pony colors, and always wore coordinating Sperry’s as if he might encounter a yacht at any moment. 
    Simon and I dated for four months, which I suppose is sort of an era by high school standards.  Simon has bragging rights to my virginity—an epic unveiling which lasted all of forty-five seconds and had me wondering what all the fuss was about.
                  Things got better in that department in college, but still… no one’s ever gotten under my skin like this before.  I could probably spend hours rewinding each moment that I’ve spent with Ben over and over again.  I could put it on a crazy loop until I can practically taste his determined mouth teasing mine, and feel his long fingers moving against my skin. 
                  “Oh my…”  That’s Payton from my left, pulling me back from my runaway thoughts.  “Isn’t that the guy who screwed Ben’s ex?  What’s his name?  David? Dylan?”
                  The rest of us direct our attention to where Payton’s looking discreetly over her shoulder.  I spot Drew at one of the smaller tables, sitting close to a slender girl with long dark hair.  She turns her face almost like she senses us watching, and I see that it’s Lily. 
    They look pretty cozy for two people that are no longer speaking to each other.    
                  “Yep,” I confirm glibly even though my pulse has spiked and all sorts of feelings are crashing around inside of me.  “That’s Drew.  And the girl that’s with him is the infamous ex.  Her name is Lily.”
                  Mark’s eyes widen.  He gives me a significant look.  I shake my head lightly, hoping that he’ll take the cue and won’t give me away.
                  Ainsley leans her torso over the table and whispers urgently, “Boy, am I glad that Ben didn’t come with us.  Can anyone else say awkward ?”
                  I twitch.  My fingers curl into my palm.  “You guys invited Ben to come out to lunch with us?”
                  Ainsley nods, then her eyes dart away to check on Drew and Lily again.  They’re preparing to leave and have yet to notice the four of us eye-stalking their every move.  “Yeah, but he said he had to get some stuff ready for tonight.  I don’t know if his band has a thing or what.”
    My heart flutters and I blush.  Our date is tonight.  I know that Mark is scrutinizing my reaction and that he’ll be full of questions later, but I can’t help the warmth that’s creeping over my features.
    On the other side of the patio, D rew helps Lily into her jacket and passes his arm across her shoulders.  As they walk by