On an Edge of Glass

ten minute discussion about a cat video would have felt li ke wasted small talk, but today it feels like progress.
    Thursday I find a flyer for a photography exhibit slipped under my door.  Unsolicited submissions welcome it says in typewriter font across the bottom.  I know that it’s from Ben, and that knowledge sends a tingling sensation down my spine.
    Still, there’s been no acknowledgement of the kiss-that-wasn’t.  I’ve been tempted to corner him and ask him about it, but what would I even say?  Oh, hey!  Funny bumping into you here.  I’ve been meaning to ask you…  Were you going to kiss me the other night? 
    Thinking about that night causes me to start thinking about Ben’s lips and the way that they curl in the corners when he thinks something is funny.  And about how they feel on my mouth, guiding my tongue out, sliding down my neck, and over my—
    “Aren’t you supposed to be studying?” Payton asks , snapping me back to reality.  She’s holding the remote control in front of her chest like a light saber.  Last weekend she got bright, platinum blonde streaks added to her bangs and I’m still adjusting to the change.
    “I am studying,” I say, glancing down at the laptop resting on my knees.
    Ainsley pipes up.  “Ellie, you’ve been staring out the window for the last thirty minutes with a strange look on your face.”  She’s on her back with her legs propped up on the couch.  There’s an open magazine face down on her stomach.  “You looked like this.”  She contorts her features.
    “ So, I looked like I have leprosy or some irreversible distortion of my facial muscles?”
    Ainsley laughs.  “No, you just looked… sad or something.”
    I let my head fall forward so that my hair makes a sort of curtain to mask my eyes.  “I was thinking about stuff,” I say glibly.
    “About a boy?” She asks, craning her neck around.  Sh e and Payton exchange a look.  It’s a look that I don’t like.
    Choosing to ignore the question and whatever else is going on here, I turn my attention to the television.  “So, what are we watching?”
    Payton shrugs.  “I’m s earching for something ridiculous and mind-numbing.  Those are the only parameters.”  She glances at me.  “But, you didn’t answer Ainsley’s question.  Are you having boy problems?”
    I shake my head.  “No boy problems.  My date with Evan was just ‘meh,’ you know?  I told him that I didn’t think we should go out again.  No boys, therefore no boy problems.”
    Little lines appear on Payton’s forehead.  “We didn’t mean Evan .  We meant Ben .”
                  It’s funny really.  How the air in the room stills.  How all sound ceases.  How I look at my friends and realize that I’m the last one in on the joke. 
                  “I—I—ah—” I sputter, still trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
                  They look at each other crack up.  Ainsley’s shoulders are shaking and Payton is laughing so hard that tears are dripping from her eyes.
                  “I’m sorry,” Payton says, sucking in a breath and wiping her face.  “But, your face…”
                  “How did you guys…”  I’m still floored.  “H-how did you know about Ben?”
                  Payton lifts one eyebrow and gives me this glare like she can’t believe that I’d have the nerve to ask such an absurd question.  “Come on Ellie.  You are about as terrible at being sneaky as we are good at being clued in.”
                  “And these walls are paper thin,” Ainsley adds with a grin.
                  When I grasp her meaning, I turn a new shade of scarlet.
                  “I—I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to lie to you two,” I defend.  “It’s just that I made you guys promise to stay away from him, and then I… well, I guess you sort of know what a stellar job I did at enforcing that rule.”  I close my eyes and take a steadying breath.  “I am officially the worst roommate.  Ever.”
    Ainsley sits up, letting the magazine spill to the floor.  “Ellie, stop right now.  We don’t really care about the stupid ‘no sex’ rule.  Well, maybe we did for about five minutes. But, then it was fine.  At first, I think we both thought it was a fling or no big deal, but then after break…  I guess what I’m saying is…” she pauses