Once More With Footnotes

One gentleman said it was a very strange and chilling experience which he would not willingly r e peat. As a result of the book there is now a traditional Lancre Stick and Bucket Dance competition at a south of England folk festival. It's traditional in a way that modern folklorists will readily comprehend; it's been done once before.
     
                  Perhaps the mos t enjoyable character to write for is Nanny Ogg, the aforementioned second witch. She's a character who had become so very clear in my mind that I think I may have met her. She's dumpy, totally without shame, manipulative, and has got one of those minds t h at can see the punchline of a dirty joke long before anyone else and greets it with a laugh you could scare werewolves with. And yet she's also, in a strange way, a highly moral person; it's just that she doesn't confuse morality with strait-laced cowardi c e and want of adventure. She has an idiosyncratic grasp of language, because it's the way my granny often used to talk, and yours too, I suspect: "If you go to other people's funerals they'll be sure to come to yours", and "a double-entendre can only mean one thing."
     
                  With some assistance, I have tried to bring her to life in a sort of fantasy diary of a country lady, called Nanny Ogg's Cookbook, and the first two sentences do, I think, give a flavour of her character:
     
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                  Not a day goes past but I'm glad I was born in Lancre. I know every inch of the place and every one of the people, an I look out over its mountains, hills, woods, and valleys and I think, "That young couple have been in that spinney rather a long time, I shall have to have a word with h e r mam."
     
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                  And I was very grateful to my leading when it came time for Nanny Ogg to write a section on Etiquette with Witches. Nanny Ogg does, as it were, make a good living out of other people's understanding of folklore.
     
                  She does not prey on the gull ible; she conspires at their understanding of how a well-ordered world should work:
     
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                  This is really quite straightforward. Witches are very lucky people to know, especially happy witches. When you meet a small dumpy witch, it is good luck to offer her a drink.
     
                  If you happen to be baking and a witch comes calling — and it's amazin'ly occult, the way a witch turns up when you happen to be baking — it's good luck to give her a few scones, a bun or two, or maybe a whole cake to take away.
     
                  If you want a cow who milks well, it's good luck to have some of the milk sent round reg'lar to the local witch. It's amazin' how rare it is for that kind of cow to give trouble.
     
                  When you are brewing, a good beer will keep well if a jug or two is dispatched to the local w itch. She will be too polite to refuse.
     
                  Beware of bad luck caused by throwing away old clothes, which may be used by occult forces to put an evil 'fluence on you. Have 'em sent around to the local witch for disposal, especially if there's any decent lace or fine linen with a bit of wear left in it (you wouldn't believe the trouble occult forces can cause with that kind of stuff, it's amazing. It's no trouble.
     
                  At Hogswatch, the keepin' qualities of your bacon and ham can be improved no end by sending a m oderate portion around to the local witch. She will accept this modest burden.
     
                  Witches are always helpful if approached properly, and never ask for anything in return.
     
                  Incidentally, always remember that a proper witch has a string bag somewhere about h er person, so any object you ask her to take away won't be too big.
     
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                  But perhaps I had most fun with the little piece I wrote as an accompaniment to the Map of Lancre. Oh yes, one exists, and it is a beautifully illustrated thing. Almost unbidden, Nann y Ogg started to write a few notes on the local folklore, which of course resembles nothing that has ever happened in the teal world:
     
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                  A lady from the Ankh-Morpork Folk Dance and Song Society come up here one summer and come to see me about what old fo lk customs and fertility rituals and similar that we might have in