Once More With Footnotes

see if this deadly bolt had gone home. But the woman was actually smiling. Some peop le just couldn't spot the obvious on the end of a ten-pound hammer.
     
                  "On the subject of witchcraft," said Letice, with the born chairwoman's touch for the enforced segue, "I thought I might raise with you the question of your participation in the Trials."
     
                  "Yes?"
     
                  "Do you ... ah ... don't you think it is unfair to other people that you win every year?"
     
                  Granny Weatherwax looked down at the floor and then up at the ceiling-
     
                  "No," she said, eventually. "I'm better'n them."
     
                  "You don't think it is a lit tle dispiriting for the other contestants?"
     
                  Once again, the floor-to-ceiling search.
     
                  "No," said Granny.
     
                  "But they start off knowing they're not going to win. "
     
                  " So do I."
     
                  "Oh, no, you surely — "
     
                  "I meant that I start off knowing they're not goin' to win, too," said Granny witheringly. "And they ought to start off knowing I'm not going to win. No wonder they lose, if they ain't getting their minds right."
     
                  "It does rather dash their enthusiasm."
     
                  Granny looked genuinely puzzled. "What's wrong with ' em striving to come second?" she said. Letice plunged on.
     
                  "What we were hoping to persuade you to do, Esme, is to accept an emeritus position. You would perhaps make a nice little speech of encouragement, present the award, and ... and possibly even be, er, one of the judges ..."
     
                  "There's going to be judges?" said Granny. "We've never had judges. Everyone just used to know who'd won."
     
                  "That's true," said Nanny. She remembered the scenes at the end of one or two trials. When Granny Weatherwax won, ever yone knew. "Oh, that's very true."
     
                  "It would be a very nice gesture," Letice went on.
     
                  "Who decided there would be judges?" said Granny.
     
                  "Er ... the committee ... which is ... that is ... a few of us got together. Only to steer things ..."
     
                  "Oh. I se e," said Granny. "Flags?"
     
                  "Pardon?"
     
                  "Are you going to have them lines of little flags? And maybe someone selling apples on a stick, that kind of thing? "
     
                  " Some bunting would certainly be — "
     
                  " Right. Don't forget the bonfire. "
     
                  " So long as it's nice and saf e."
     
                  "Oh. Right. Things should be nice. And safe," said Granny. Mrs. Earwig perceptibly sighed with relief. "Well, that's sorted out nicely," she said.
     
                  "Is it?" said Granny.
     
                  "I thought we'd agreed that — "
     
                  "Had we? Really?" She picked up the poker fro m the hearth and prodded fiercely at the fire. "I'll give matters my consideration."
     
                  "I wonder if I may be frank for a moment, Mistress Weatherwax?" said Letice. The poker paused in mid-prod.
     
                  "Yes?"
     
                  "Times are changing, you know. Now, I think I know why you feel it necessary to be so overbearing and unpleasant to everyone, but believe me when I tell you, as a friend, that you'd find it so much easier if you just relaxed a little bit and tried being nicer, like our sister Gytha here."
     
                  Nanny Ogg's smi le had fossilised into a mask. Letice didn't seem to notice.
     
                  "You seem to have all the witches in awe of you for fifty miles around," she went on. "Now, I daresay you have some valuable skills, but witchcraft isn't about being an old grump and frightenin g people anymore. I'm telling you this as a friend — "
     
                  "Call again whenever you're passing," said Granny.
     
                  This was a signal. Nanny Ogg stood up hurriedly.
     
                  "I