One (One Universe)

not doing that. I don’t want you involved in… I just don’t.”
    It sounds like he’s saying, “I don’t want you.” And I can see that, I really can, because of the way I reacted, screamed at him, accused him of not caring about me. Worst, didn’t trust him.
    “Merrin.”
    I don’t know if he wants me to answer or if he just likes to say my name. I’m hoping for the latter, but since I acted like such a freak earlier, I’m betting on the former.
    “Yeah?” I say, after a long pause.
    “I used to dream about flying.”
    Tears well in my eyes, and a lump blocks sound from leaving my throat. I can hear Elias breathing on the other end. Waiting for me, as he always has. After a long minute, I finally say, “Me too.”
    “I was dreaming about you, Merrin. I was missing you. Before I even knew you. Before…”
    “Before you knew my name?”
    “Yeah.”
    “But you still knew that before you met me. Didn’t you?”
    There’s a pause, and I can hear the rustle of sheets or blankets or something. He must be lying in bed. I guess that would make most girls hot and bothered, but I’ll never be able to truly separate my vision of what I’d like to do with Elias from a cornfield with the scent of autumn fires in the air.
    “Yeah,” he says finally. “Just a few years. I’ve been waiting for you to transfer to Nelson. Couldn’t believe it took you so long. And remember…you wouldn’t tell me your name for days. So, really, it could have been any random transfer I had a crush on before you finally broke down and told me.” He laughs shakily. “Besides, the dreams… They were even before then. I wish I could prove it to you, Mer. After that first time we flew together, I wouldn’t have cared if it was our last. After that, all I wanted was you. I wish you could know that. Wish you could know how much I…”
    I can’t stand this anymore, can’t stand being angry with him but loving him so much that it hurts. I can’t stand not having anything to say. I can’t stand not telling him about the boys and not knowing why I can’t bring myself to get the words out.
    I sigh. “Goodnight, Elias.”
    “Goodnight, Supergirl.”
     
    I dream of white rooms and cold air. My body doesn’t rest on anything, and I feel like I’m floating, even though my body feels heavy as usual. I can’t see the sky and I can’t feel the air moving at all. Something pinches my arm, and then I feel dizzy, and the dream turns to dark coldness. I can’t get warm under my covers.
    I want Elias more than anything in the world, and I’m terrified, because even if I looked for him now, I know I’d never find him.

TWENTY-ONE
    I wake with a start, my legs tangled in the sheets. My breaths seize my chest, quick in-and-outs, and I scan the room for something, though I have no idea what.
    Not something. Someone. Elias. I want to be near him so badly it hurts. I fall back on my pillow, staring at the ceiling.
    Then my cuff on the nightstand buzzes its notification that I have a message. I strap it to my wrist, squint away from it when its light glares at me the darkness. I blink hard, straining to see. Five missed calls. One message. I punch in the code and listen.
    It’s Elias. His voice chokes out short sentences. “I’m not gonna be around for a while, Mer.” He takes in a sharp breath, and my heart wrenches. “I’m sorry.” And then he hangs up.
    I feel like the entire world stops around me, like I have to work hard against its frozenness to blink or breathe or think.
    What the hell? Where is he going? Are his parents transferring him to Super? That wouldn’t be such a big deal; I could still see him. Are they moving out of town?
    I’m sorry, too. I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry for a lot of things, and I’m a little ashamed. That clouds my thoughts so much that I can’t imagine what I’d say to him, especially over the phone like this, not in person. I’m not mad at him; now I just wish I could see him.
    I’m still wearing one of his sweatshirts from bedtime — threw it on over the camisole, t-shirt, and long-sleeved shirt I was already wearing — because the smell of him is one of the only things that can calm me, even when I’m angry at him.
    I toss on some jeans, socks, and my Chucks, and then push out the door in the dark, heading to my car even though it’s only 4:15. All the better — the next shift is probably just getting into the station or maybe grabbing their morning donuts.
    I race the