One Perfect Summer

then more passionately as we fall back onto the grass. He hovers above me, supporting his own weight so he doesn’t crush me. His tongue explores my mouth and I wrap my legs around him, pulling him closer, wanting him to be closer. I slide my hands up inside his T-shirt and drag my fingernails down his back. He gasps into my mouth and I feel him down there, hard and pressing into me.
    I pull him in tighter. I want him so much . . .
    His lips trail to my neck and his hand slides up my shirt to my breast.
    ‘I want you,’ I whisper urgently.
    He moves away from my neck and kisses my lips again, gently.
    ‘I love you,’ I add, wondering if he heard me the first time.
    ‘I love you too.’
    ‘Did you hear me?’ I ask, unable to keep the worry from my voice.
    He laughs quietly.
    I release my grip on his legs.
    ‘I want you too, but Dyson is putting me off a bit.’
    I glance to his left at Dyson, who is panting and watching us both intently while his tail thumps against the ground. I start to laugh too.
    ‘Plus, I don’t have anything.’
    ‘Anything?’
    ‘A condom.’
    ‘Oh.’ I instantly feel silly. I hadn’t thought about that. I know I should have, but in the heat of the moment it hadn’t even occurred to me.
    We sit back up and he takes my hand. We both stare ahead at the moonlit field.
    ‘I’m a virgin,’ I blurt out.
    He looks across at me and squeezes my hand. ‘Me too.’
    ‘You’re not,’ I say with widened eyes.
    He nods. ‘I am.’
    ‘But . . . How? ’
    He laughs. ‘What do you mean, “how”?’
    ‘You’re so . . . good-looking! How can you have not shagged girls before?’
    He shrugs. ‘The same question could be directed at you.’
    ‘I haven’t found anyone I’ve liked enough.’
    ‘Me neither.’
    ‘But boys don’t . . . Boys aren’t like that.’
    ‘Like what?’ he presses. ‘You don’t think it matters to us whether or not it’s special?’
    ‘I don’t know . . .’
    ‘Okay, maybe not to some guys, but it matters to me.’
    ‘Haven’t you ever got close to anyone else?’
    ‘There was a girl once.’
    I instantly feel jealous.
    ‘I thought I loved her.’
    ‘How old were you?’
    ‘Fifteen. It was when we were in Devon, before we moved to Cornwall.’
    ‘Why did you move?’
    ‘We couldn’t really stay after what Ryan had done,’ he says unhappily. ‘Business went tits up. And my parents had never exactly been popular with the locals, in any case.’
    ‘ Did you love her?’ I ask, still feeling sick.
    He looks at me directly. ‘No. I love you . What I felt for her was not even on the same page.’ He smiles. ‘Not even in the same book. Not even in the same library.’
    I smile back at him. ‘I’ve never been in love before, either,’ I tell him. ‘I can’t imagine ever feeling this way about anyone ever again.’
    Was that too honest?
    ‘Me neither.’ He doesn’t take his eyes from mine and I draw him close.
    ‘Fuck off!’ Joe hisses after a while and I look past him to see Dyson right there, peering at us. I burst out laughing. He looks back at me. ‘God, Alice, I want you so much.’
    ‘I want you too.’
    Lizzy . . . Pippa . . . Out, thoughts, out!
    As if reading my mind, he speaks. ‘I guess I should take you home before Lizzy starts to fret.’
    I nod reluctantly and he stands up, holding his hands down to pull me to my feet. ‘What are you two doing tomorrow?’
    ‘I was going to show her Corfe Castle,’ I reply. ‘I think she’d like that.’
    ‘It’s good you’re taking her mind off her mum. I’m sorry about tonight.’
    ‘It’s not your fault. She’ll understand.’ But in truth, I’m not sure that she will.

 
    ‘Are you alright?’ Lizzy asks me for the umpteenth time the next day.
    ‘I’m fine,’ I reply.
    ‘I’ve never seen you like this before,’ she adds and I don’t know how to respond.
    It’s true. I’ve been on another planet all day. I keep staring ahead, lost in my thoughts, wondering if Joe is okay.
    ‘Does he have a phone?’ she asks. ‘Couldn’t you call him?’
    ‘No, he doesn’t. Only the pub’s public phone. I don’t know the number, and his parents would probably answer it, anyway.’
    ‘What time does his brother get here?’
    ‘I’m not sure.’ I look at her and smile. ‘Thank you. You’re being so nice. I’m sorry about all of this. I’m supposed to be the one cheering you up, not the other way around.’
    ‘This is taking my mind off things.’ Lizzy shrugs