Out of Time 01 - Out of Time

her rebuke find its mark. He nodded in acceptance and started to pace. Words drifted just beyond his reach, and he moved more quickly in a futile attempt to capture them.
    “I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings and, bloody hell, why should it be different now?” he said with exasperation. “No matter what I do, I can’t get a moment’s rest from thinking about you. You’re always there. Did you know that?” he said, accusing her. He put his fists on his hips and sighed. “Of course you didn’t. How would you? I could barely admit it to myself. Deny and rationalize. I’m a master at that, you know. Finding ways to mine misery out of pleasure.”
    She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, her hand fleetingly going to her forehead. “What is it you want, Simon? You want me to feel sorry for you? Doesn’t sound like you need my help for that.”
    “That isn’t what I want.”
    “Then you better start saying what you want because I don’t have any idea. You’re scared. Who isn’t? You think I’m not? You think I wasn’t terrified tonight when...” Her voice trailed off and she clasped her hands in her lap. “If all this is about asking my forgiveness, we can cut to the chase. Consider yourself forgiven, and we can forget this ever happened.”
    “I can’t forget. And I don’t want to.”
    “So far this week is pretty high on my things to forget list. It’s not exactly filled with picture postcard memories.”
    “I take full responsibility for—”
    “Would you stop that,” she said, jumping to her feet and fighting for balance. “Not everything is about you. It’s so convenient to take too much on your shoulders, isn’t it? So when you collapse under the weight no one can blame you.”
    He whirled around to face her. “Do you think I wanted this? Do you think I wanted to hurt you?”
    “The results speak for themselves.”
    “No they don’t. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was hurt you. When you kissed me, I...I panicked. I’m not proud of it and I’m not trying to make excuses. You said that I’m a selfish man. Perhaps I am. For wanting things I can’t have,” he said and let out a deep breath, “for wanting you.”
    He stood there, raw and vulnerable for the longest moment of his life, before he turned away.
    “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” she said, her voice trembling.
    “I’ve never meant anything more in my life,” he said. “I don’t expect you to understand. God knows, I don’t. I’ve spent the better part of my life avoiding any sort of personal entanglement. But you, you’re...unavoidable. I tried. You have no idea the hours I spent trying not to think about you. Trying not to imagine what it would be like to hold you in my arms.”
    He forced himself to look into her eyes. “You absolutely terrify me. Whenever I’m with you it’s as though someone has reached inside my chest, until the pain is almost more than I can bear. And when I’m not with you, I’d give anything to feel that way again.”
    He heaved a deep sigh and continued. “Tonight when I saw you in the alley... I...No, it was before that. I know it doesn’t matter. I know you can’t possibly return my feelings after the way I’ve treated you,” he said and felt his courage failing. He turned away, unable to bear the rejection he knew he’d see in her face. “But I...I couldn’t go another day as I was.”
    The silence was oppressive. Slowly, he eased back around to face her. Her small hands were clenched tightly at her sides, eyes pleading. She was trying so hard to be strong, defying him to hurt her again.
    “And who are you now?” she asked.
    “A man hopelessly in love with you.”
    She closed the space between them, and his heart raced with each step. She stopped a few feet away and then slowly, beautifully, a smile came to her face. “Nice to meet you.”
    If he could only stop time, he would lock this moment away for eternity. Tentatively, he lifted his hand to her cheek, barely a caress, and gently pushed a stray lock of hair away from her face. He searched her eyes for any sign of resistance, but she leaned into his touch. Emboldened, he loosely cupped her face with the palm of his hand. He moved slowly, giving her every chance to pull away.
    His lips met hers in a tender kiss. Her hands came to rest on his chest and for a fleeting moment he feared she’d push him away, but her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt and pulled him