Pictures of Lily

out of my bag. In the kitchen I start to text Ben, then I give up and call him instead. I don’t want to wait for a text to come back. My stomach flutters with nerves as the phone rings and rings. I’m about to hang up because I don’t want to leave a message and then he answers. He sounds breathless.
    ‘What have you been doing?’ I ask, smiling.
    ‘I was wrestling with a joey.’
    ‘Joey koala or joey kangaroo?’
    ‘Kangaroo.’
    ‘What are you doing with the kangaroos?’
    ‘Just the usual check-ups. This one didn’t want to co-operate.’
    ‘Oh dear,’ I sympathise. ‘So you’re at work today?’
    ‘Yes, why?’
    My heart sinks. ‘I hoped you might have the day off. I wondered if you’d like to meet me for lunch.’
    ‘That would have been great. Tomorrow?’
    ‘Okay.’ It’ll have to do.
    ‘Have you had your photos developed yet?’ he asks.
    ‘Yesterday.’ They’re still in my bag because I didn’t want Richard to see the one of Ben.
    ‘Can you bring them?’
    ‘Sure.’
    ‘Also, there’s a camera shop around the corner from your work. We could pop in?’
    I smile. ‘That’s a good idea.’ We end the call and my mood slumps.
    Tomorrow, Lily! You’ll see him tomorrow! It’s not long to wait.
    But it feels like forever. And by the time I’ve got through another night full of the guilts with Richard, plus a morning of constantly checking my phone and willing the time to pass, Nicola has grown suspicious.
    ‘What’s up with you today?’ she asks eventually. ‘Who are you expecting to call?’
    ‘No one – I’m just checking the time,’ I reply defensively. Usually it’s Mel who cottons onto anything out of the ordinary, but luckily she’s busy making sure a conference this morning runs smoothly. I must really be overdoing it for Nicola to pick up on anything.
    ‘Why are you checking the time so much, then?’ she perseveres.
    ‘I’m hungry. Waiting for lunch.’
    ‘Soup today?’ she enquires, and I’m not convinced I’ve got away with it.
    ‘I might even go all out and get a sandwich.’
    ‘Good for you.’
    Nicola takes an early lunch at twelve and in the meantime, Mel returns. Finally it’s one o’clock and I can hi-tail it out of there. I told Ben to meet me out the front because I didn’t want him waltzing up to reception and piquing my colleagues’ curiosity. After a quick dash to the ladies to top up my lippy, I hurry outside. I’m five minutes late so he’s already standing there when I arrive, wearing the same grey trousers I’ve seen before and a black jacket. When his dark-blue eyes smile down at me, a memory slams into me of the sex I had yesterday morning. I inadvertently blush.
    ‘Hi,’ he says, looking at me with amusement.
    ‘Hello. Sorry I’m late.’
    ‘I’m early. Nice building.’
    ‘Thanks. It’s alright.’
    ‘Pretty good place to work,’ he comments.
    ‘It’s cool that it’s central.’
    ‘But you still want more from your job.’
    ‘Shhh!’ I look around. ‘My boss might hear me and give me the sack.’
    ‘Aw, sorry.’ He wraps his arm around my neck and presses his lips to the top of my head. Then he lets me go again. It happens so quickly that I don’t have time to react.
    ‘The camera shop isn’t far from here,’ he says. ‘I’ve been surfing the net, but it’ll be good to pick the salesperson’s brains, too.’
    I fall silent. Suddenly I feel silly. What the hell am I thinking, going to buy a camera? Do I really believe I can become a professional photographer? I don’t know anything about cameras! I haven’t even attempted to research them. I come to a slow stop on the street.
    ‘What’s wrong?’ Ben asks.
    ‘I don’t know.’ I avert my eyes.
    ‘Hey.’ He reaches down and takes my hand. ‘You can tell me.’
    I look up at him, at the concern on his face. His hand is warm in mine. Yes, it makes me feel jittery, but it’s also reassuring.
    ‘I don’t know what I’m doing,’ I admit.
    ‘What do you mean?’
    ‘I know nothing about taking pictures.’
    ‘But that’s the point of getting a camera, so you can learn.’
    I stare at him warily. ‘I think I might be deluding myself.’
    ‘No, you’re not.’ He shakes his head adamantly. ‘Lily, you have something. It may be raw talent, but everyone has to start somewhere. Why don’t you do a photography course?’
    A spark of hope fills up my insides. Yes, I could do a course! But the spark just as quickly dims again.
    ‘I still