Pictures of Lily

away.
    ‘They’re going to be very busy, you see. It might be too much to organise.’ I try to convince him, but I’m guessing he thinks I’m embarrassed to introduce an older man to my dad. I feel awful, but there’s nothing I can say to make him think otherwise – except to tell the truth and explain that I have a fiancé. But let’s not go there, eh?
    ‘I never felt seasick.’ I try to project a tone of joviality into my voice to lighten things up as we pass through the Spit Bridge again.
    ‘You didn’t. Another thing you’re a natural at.’
    I suddenly feel aggravated and self-conscious. ‘I’m not a natural at anything, Ben. I don’t know why you keep saying things like that.’
    He glances at me, taken aback by my reaction.
    ‘I clearly see a different person from the one you see,’ he says after a while.
    ‘Yes, you clearly do, and I don’t know why.’
    ‘Hey,’ he says gently.
    ‘Just stop,’ I snap. ‘Stop saying these things to me.’
    His jaw clenches and he falls silent. The mood doesn’t shift even when we’re back in the car and he’s driving me to the bus stop.
    ‘I’ll take you to Manly,’ he says.
    ‘No, the bus is fine. Please – I mean it,’ I add firmly.
    He nods and pulls over on the side of the road. My stop is up ahead. He doesn’t speak.
    ‘Thanks for today,’ I say.
    ‘You’re welcome,’ he replies.
    I sigh. ‘Sorry, I—’
    ‘It’s okay,’ he interrupts. ‘Here’s your bus coming now.’
    I hesitate, feeling panicky as the bus whooshes past me.
    ‘Quick,’ he urges, leaning across me to open up my door. I stumble out onto the pavement. ‘Call me,’ he shouts, and I turn and run for the bus.
    My heart is still in my mouth when I’m safely seated. What is wrong with me? Why do I get so anxious about leaving him every time? I’m going to see him again, aren’t I? Aren’t I?
    I sit on the bus and stare out of the window. My phone beeps and I see that I’ve missed a call from Richard and now he’s texted me. He’s home and is wondering where I am. I feel sick. I don’t want to see him. I want to run away.
    But I stay on the bus. I walk all the way down the hill to our house. It’s five o’clock and I should have been back hours ago. My mind has been ticking over fifteen to the dozen and I’ve decided to tell Richard about Ben. No, not everything. I’m not that . . . decent . But I’ll tell him that I bumped into an old friend and hopefully I’m a good enough actress that he won’t suspect there’s any more to it.
    ‘Hello?’ I call as I walk into the hall, shutting the door behind me. If I wasn’t seasick before, I certainly feel it now.
    ‘Hey!’
    I follow his voice into the living room. He’s lying on the sofa.
    ‘Have you been asleep?’ I ask edgily.
    ‘Yeah.’ He yawns. ‘Crashed out.’
    ‘Busy weekend?’
    ‘Full on.’ He opens up his arms to me. I hesitate a moment before walking towards him. He shuffles up against the back of the sofa so there’s enough room for me to squeeze along beside him. I lie down, feeling horribly deceitful as his arms encircle me. I rest my head on his chest. He feels different. Unfamiliar. He’s leaner than Ben. Not yet a man , man. I think he’s similar to how Ben was ten years ago, and I imagine Richard will become even broader in a few years, too. I wonder if I’ll be around to see it.
    ‘Mmm.’ He presses his lips to my forehead and squeezes me. ‘I missed you,’ he murmurs.
    I pull away from him. ‘Everyone else have a good time?’
    ‘Yeah, great.’
    ‘Did Lucy do much surfing?’
    ‘She did some. The waves were too big most of the time though.’ He continues. ‘She and Nathan are going back to England.’
    ‘No way! When?’
    ‘In a couple of months.’
    ‘What about the business?’
    ‘I’m going to carry on with it here – he’s going to do a renovation down in Somerset where Lucy’s family are from.’
    ‘How long will they be away?’
    ‘It’s looking like six months.’
    ‘Blimey. That’s a bit sad.’
    ‘You’re telling me. But you know what they’re like, they have to split their time between two countries, two families. That’s the way it is with them.’ He sniffs my coat. ‘Where have you been today?’
    ‘Well,’ I force a smile which I hope looks relaxed, ‘I didn’t get a chance to tell you on the phone, but I bumped into an old pal on the weekend who used to work at the conservation park.’ My heart is