Pictures of Lily

don’t remember seeing one.
    Wouldn’t I have noticed that? Maybe not.
    But this doesn’t sound like a shop for two . . .
    It could be, Lily. It absolutely could be a shop for two.
    What if he’s divorced?
    ‘There you are!’ Kay calls.
    I look up and see my three sisters walking towards me. ‘Sorry to be so long,’ I tell them.
    ‘I need the loo now, too,’ Kay complains.
    ‘And me,’ Isabel pipes up.
    ‘Where is it?’ Kay asks.
    I look around, thankfully spying a sign for the toilets. ‘This way,’ I say, and they all follow me.
    How can I find out if he’s married or not?
    You can ask him when you see him on Monday.
    Monday? Monday? I can’t wait that long!
    And that’s what it’s like for the rest of our outing. I can’t concentrate, my sisters begin to get annoyed with my jitteriness, and all I can do is search everywhere we go for another sighting of Ben. He’s nowhere to be found and it damn near kills me.
    Eventually Isabel starts to whinge about her sore feet, and soon enough Olivia does too.
    ‘We haven’t seen the birds yet,’ I tell them, panicked.
    ‘I don’t want to see the birds,’ Isabel moans. ‘I’ve had enough.’
    I scan their faces for any sign of giving in. Resolute. I drag my feet all the way to the exit.
    The zoo is in North Sydney so we have to catch the ferry back to their flat in the Rocks. The girls want to sit down so I find them a seat and slide away to sneak a look at Ben’s number.
    It’s a mobile number. He hasn’t given me his home number. Perhaps his wife would answer the phone. Or his kids . . .
    God, it hurts.
    A shiver goes through me. I don’t know if it’s anticipation or dread.
    I’ve found him again.
    What about Richard? I quickly crush that thought. I can’t think about him now. I have to concentrate.
    We make it back to the flat to discover that Dad and Lorraine are already there.
    ‘Good day?’ Dad asks.
    ‘My feet are killing me,’ Isabel whines.
    ‘Mine are, too.’ Olivia has to compete with her.
    ‘But did you have a good day?’ Dad tries again.
    ‘Yeah.’ Kay shrugs.
    ‘We fed the kangaroos,’ Isabel says proudly.
    ‘ Did you?’
    ‘Yes!’ Olivia exclaims.
    ‘Wow! Were they big?’ Dad’s enthusiasm begins to get through to them and soon I can’t hear myself think for all their chatter.
    ‘Are you alright?’ Lorraine asks quietly from beside me.
    ‘Yes!’ I overcompensate with my reply. ‘Did you find another cozzie?’
    She smiles. ‘I did indeed. Want to see it?’
    ‘Sure.’ But I can’t deal with this. I can’t cope with all this noise. I need to be alone.
    I find the strength to stay and play happy families, and after a while, the commotion around me calms down. Lorraine goes to make tea, Dad flops into the armchair and flips through a magazine, Kay disappears into her bedroom and the girls switch on the telly. I sit on the sofa to the left of them and allow my thoughts to take over. It soon becomes crystal clear that I cannot, I absolutely cannot , wait until Monday.
    I get to my feet, full of determination. ‘I’m just going to give Richard a call,’ I tell Dad. Guilt courses through me in waves, but I walk towards the door, thinking of the hopefully-quiet corridor outside the flat.
    ‘Use our bedroom,’ Dad suggests. I swerve towards it. That makes more sense.
    I pull out the receipt and panic hits me as I see how crumpled it’s become, but thankfully I can still read the number. I dial it into my mobile phone, making two mistakes before I get it right. My hands are shaking intensely as it begins to ring.
    ‘Hello?’ Ben.
    ‘It’s Lily.’
    ‘Hi!’
    Warmth rushes through me at the obvious delight in his voice.
    ‘I couldn’t wait until Monday,’ I tell him.
    ‘Okay . . .’
    ‘I know it’s Saturday night and you’ve probably got other plans . . .’
    ‘I’m free. Are you free?’
    ‘Yes.’ What about your wife? But the words won’t come out. ‘What time?’ I ask instead.
    ‘Seven?’
    ‘Fine.’
    ‘Where do you want to go?’
    I wrack my brain. We can’t go out in Manly, as I might see someone I know. The only thing that comes to mind is one of those terrible places full of suits that Mel likes to hang out in. I suggest a bar called Porters and describe its whereabouts.
    ‘Cool,’ he says. ‘See you later.’
    ‘Bye.’ I try to press the button to end the call, but my fingers are made of stone. Eventually Ben ends the call for me.
    I sit there on the bed, my