Pictures of Lily

knew about it? Wasn’t he worried about me?
    ‘Did you stay in contact with Michael?’ I ask quietly.
    ‘Not really,’ he says. ‘I’d only hear things through the grapevine. I tried not to ask.’
    ‘Why?’
    He shrugs and stares straight ahead. ‘Fresh start,’ he says bluntly. Then: ‘Here we are, now.’
    We come to a stop outside a tiny restaurant with red and white checked curtains at the windows. I peer inside and see candles lighting the tables. Cosy. Ben opens the door for me and I walk through.
    ‘Benjamin!’ A flamboyant middle-aged Italian man bustles towards us.
    ‘Hello, Marco,’ Ben says affectionately.
    ‘So long since I have seen you!’
    Ben shrugs. ‘Sorry.’
    ‘And now you have a new lady friend, no?’ He glances at me.
    New? I take it we’re not talking about his ex-wife, here.
    ‘An old friend,’ Ben corrects him. ‘Lily, this is Marco.’
    ‘Hello,’ I say, wondering about the existence of other women in Ben’s life.
    ‘Come, come.’ Marco urges us towards a table at the back. ‘No window,’ he says regretfully. ‘You should have booked.’ He glares theatrically at Ben, who just shrugs.
    ‘This is fine.’
    ‘I bring you some menus. To drink?’
    ‘Lily?’
    ‘I might switch to red,’ I say to Ben. ‘A glass of house red, please.’
    ‘A Peroni,’ Ben answers, before turning to me.
    ‘This is nice,’ I say, looking around. ‘Do you come here much?’
    ‘Not really.’
    I force a smile which I hope appears cheeky and unbothered. ‘So what’s this about your lady friends? You bring a lot of girls here?’
    He looks down. ‘No one special. Not for a long time.’
    Relief floods my veins. A waitress returns with our drinks and a couple of menus. We turn our attention to food.
    ‘Tell me what happened after I left,’ Ben says when we’ve placed our order.
    I was heartbroken. I was like the walking dead.
    ‘I went to school. Made some new friends.’
    ‘I told you you would.’
    ‘So you did.’ I manage a weak smile. ‘Did you know Michael got married to The Map Bearer?’
    ‘The what?’ He looks confused.
    I giggle. ‘Janine. It’s a nickname I gave her on my first day at the conservation park.’
    He chuckles. ‘Yes, I did know that. I go back to Adelaide occasionally to check in on Nan’s house.’
    ‘Who lives there now?’ I ask curiously.
    ‘It’s being rented to friends of friends,’ he explains. Aha! ‘A family is in it at the moment.’
    ‘Would you ever go back to Adelaide permanently?’ I ask.
    ‘Oh, I’ll definitely end up there eventually. It’s home.’
    In a funny kind of way, it still feels like my home, too.
    ‘What about you?’ he asks. ‘Would you ever move back?’
    ‘I have some good friends there, but no, I don’t think so. Mum’s here, and I have other . . . friends here. And my career, you know?’
    ‘Tell me about your job.’
    ‘I’m only temping.’
    ‘I know, you said that before. You’re a receptionist?’
    ‘Yes.’ I feel small all of a sudden. ‘It’s good fun,’ I say weakly.
    ‘Cool.’
    ‘I feel like I’ve let you down,’ I blurt out.
    ‘ What ? What do you mean?’
    ‘You expected so much from me.’
    ‘Lily! I haven’t been around for the last decade – how can you possibly feel like you’ve let me down?’
    ‘I just do.’
    ‘Well, you haven’t. I only ever wanted you to be happy.’
    His eyes meet mine over the table and this time I can’t look away. My head starts to prickle again and the room begins to spin. A waitress interrupts us with our mains.
    ‘Thank you.’ I lean back as she places a bowl of ravioli with sage butter in front of me. Ben has opted for a pepper steak.
    ‘Tell me what happened after you left,’ I find the courage to ask.
    He glances up at me, then returns his attention to his food. ‘I went to England and got married.’
    ‘No kids?’ How can I have not asked this already ?
    ‘No.’
    I can breathe again.
    ‘Charlotte couldn’t,’ he adds, and my heart plummets. So if they had been successful in that area, they never would have got divorced. ‘But that’s not why we broke up,’ he continues.
    ‘Why, then?’ I’m relieved, but still I persist.
    ‘Things weren’t right. They were never right,’ he adds.
    ‘So why did you start trying for a family?’
    ‘It’s a good question.’ He smiles wryly. ‘I wanted it to be right. I wanted to forge—’ He cuts himself short mid-sentence. ‘I was homesick, too.’
    ‘You