Princess Sultana's Circle
into forgetfulness, I decided.
And so, I began a long
night of heavy drinking. I became so drunk that, during one trip
into my closet to conceal an empty bottle, I tripped over my long
gown and knocked over a vase. I lunged forward to catch it, but the
alcohol had slowed my movements, and the vase smashed against the
wall. In the quiet of the night, the noise of the shattering glass
vase was deafening.
When Kareem jumped from the
bed in alarm, I could not coordinate my brain and my tongue to
speak out in my defense!
Kareem was instantly aware
that his wife was so drunk that she could not speak without
slurring her words.
He shouted out in shock.
“Sultana!”
“ Oh, Allah!” I mumbled to
myself. “My sins have been discovered!”
I remember nothing else of
that moment, for I blacked out, finally obliterating the horrible
images that I had tried to drown with drink.
Chapter
Twelve
My Secret
Revealed
For long hours I stayed in
that mysterious realm of darkness when the mind closes down; no
information, new or old, is processed. I was not burdened by
sorrows, nor was I soothed by pleasing dreams. My brief respite
from reality could not last, but I had the pleasure of that
dreamless, mindless state until the sounds of the household awoke
me the following morning.
When I finally opened my
eyes in the harsh light, the first image I saw was Kareem’s face.
Suddenly, the memory of him waking up and discovering his wife in a
drunken state came back to me in a rush. Hoping to redeem last
night’s disaster with a miracle, I squeezed my eyes tightly shut
and prayed to God that what had happened the previous evening had
not occurred at all, that it was all a bad dream.
When I looked once more at
Kareem, I knew that God had not answered my prayer. Kareem’s sad,
knowing eyes peeled away any hope that my secret drinking remained
hidden from him. Without a word, my husband’s expression told me he
knew that I was in serious trouble with alcohol.
My husband’s clear voice
was deceptively calm. “Sultana, how do you feel?”
I knew full well that my
future was now forever altered, for my destiny was certain to be
that of a scorned and divorced wife. I was so filled with horror at
this thought that I could not speak.
“ Sultana?”
I squeaked, “I am not so
well, Husband.”
Kareem nodded.
We stared at each other for
a long time without speaking. Neither of us had the heart to
attempt further conversation.
In the silence, my presence
of mind slowly returned. I quickly reminded myself that I was
uncertain as to exactly how much Kareem knew of my drinking; that
perhaps I should take heed of that wise Arab proverb: “Your tongue
is your horse, and if you let it loose, it will betray
you.”
I clung to the hope that
Kareem believed my drunken state was nothing more than an
infrequent occurrence. After all, many were the times throughout
our marriage when together Kareem and I had indulged ourselves in
drink, and Kareem had never expressed displeasure of
this.
“ We need to talk,
Sultana.”
I remained
quiet.
Dropping his gaze, Kareem
rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I have not slept all
night.” With a tired sigh, he looked at me once more. “I have been
wondering how you managed to hide this drinking problem from me,
and for so long.”
I asked, in that same
squeaking tone of voice, “Drinking problem?”
Ignoring this question,
Kareem continued to stare at me as he softly spoke words that I did
not wish to hear.
“ Please do not consume our
time trying to prove your innocence when you are clearly guilty. I
have already spoken with Sara. I now know that you often drink to
excess when I am away.”
It was no use to deny it.
By the anguished look on his face, I knew Kareem had learned the
truth. At the pain of that thought, my chest tightened.
I began to weep. “Nothing
will ever be the same again,” I cried out, wringing my hands.
Already, I could imagine the cruel gossip about me that would
spread rapidly throughout the large extended Al Sa’ud family. My
reputation was forever ruined!
“ You cry like a child for
what you cannot defend as a woman?”
Kareem’s words struck me
like a sharp dagger, yet I could not stop weeping. The worst had
happened! My desperate need for alcohol had been found out, and I
was truly lost. Kareem would divorce me. My children would be
humiliated by the scandal. My hated brother, Ali, would be elated
that my life had taken a turn for the worse.
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