Public Secrets

blew smoke between his teeth. “Emma’s dreams don’t bother me.”
“They should. Since they concern us both. She’s in therapy, with the psychiatrist who treated Stevie Nimmons.” After sampling the Scotch, he decided it wasn’t good enough to water a plant with. “It looks as though she may be starting to remember.”
His expression changed. There was a trace of fear, then a flood of anger. “You should have let me kill her years ago.”

“It wasn’t necessary then.” The other man shrugged and sipped his Scotch. “It may be necessary now.”
“I don’t intend to get my hands dirty at this stage, old man. You take care of her.”
“I dealt with Jane.” His voice was cool and level. “At the moment, I think Emma only bears watching. If it goes further, it will be up to you.”
“All right. Not because you order it, but because I owe her.”
“Mr. Blackpool, can I have your autograph?” He set down his lighter and smiled at the curvy young redhead. “Of course, dear. It would be a pleasure.”

Chapter Forty-One

T HROUGH THE PARLOR window, Emma could see the last of the New Year’s snow melting from the hedgerow.
“Michael wants me to marry him.”
Katherine barely lifted a brow. “How do you feel about that?”
Emma nearly laughed. It was such a standard response, therapist to patient. “I feel a lot of things about that. Surprise isn’t one of them. I’ve known for some time he’s only been waiting to ask me. When I’m with him, I start to believe that it could work. A home, a family. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”
“Do you love him?”
“Oh yes.” That part, it seemed, was quite simple. “I do.”
There was no hesitation there, Katherine noticed. “But you’re not sure of marriage.”
“It works for some people. We could hardly say it worked for me.”
“How does Michael compare with Drew?”
“In what way?”
Katherine merely lifted her hands palms up, fingers spread.
“They’re both men. Attractive, determined men.”
“Anything else?”
Emma wandered the room. The house was empty and quiet. It was understood that at three each afternoon she would be left alone to talk to Katherine. She hadn’t meant to speak of Michael today, but of the nightmares. But her thoughts had focused on him.

“No, nothing. Even before I realized Drew was violent, I couldn’t have compared them. He was careless with people, only able to focus on one at a time. There was no real sense of loyalty. He could be very clever and very romantic, but it was never done out of simple generosity. He always required payment.”
“And Michael?”
“He cares. About people, his job, his family. Loyalty is like, well, the color of his eyes Just part of him. I never thought I’d want to be with a man again. To have sex. When we made love for the first time, I felt things I’d always wanted to feel and hadn’t been able to.”
“You call it having sex when you refer to Drew. Making love with Michael.”
“Do I?” Emma paused and gave Katherine one of her rare smiles. A memory drifted back—Johnno sitting on her bed in her room in Martinique. When it’s with someone you care about, it’s almost holy . “I don’t suppose a degree is required to puzzle that out.”
“No.” Pleased, Katherine leaned back against the cushions. “Are you comfortable, physically, with Michael?”
“No. But it’s a wonderful kind of discomfort.”
“Exciting?”
“Yes. But I haven’t been able to…initiate.”
“Do you want to?”
“I don’t know. I think—I’d like to show him. I suppose I’m afraid of doing something wrong.”
“In what way?”
Baffled, Emma lifted her hands and let them fall. “I’m not sure, just that I might do something to annoy him, or…” Impatient with herself, she turned back to the window. “I can’t shake Drew, and the things he said to me about how stupid, how useless I was in bed.” She hated that, knowing she was still allowing him to control some part of her life.
“Have you considered that if you were inadequate in bed, it was due to your partner and the circumstances?”

“Yes. Up here.” Emma touched a finger to her temple. “I know I’m not cold and unresponsive. I can feel passion, desire. But I’m afraid to move toward Michael, afraid I might spoil something.” Pausing, she picked up a crystal pyramid and watched the colors run through it. “And it’s the nightmares. I’m almost as afraid of him now as I was when he was alive. Somehow I