Public Secrets

with a shrug. “We’ll have one more tonight.” He held out two pills. “Take these. They’re very strong. It’ll make it easier.”
She looked down at them, then back into his face. “I won’t make it easier.”
“Very well.” He put them back in his pocket. “It’s a very long fall, Emma.” He grabbed her, holding her against him at the edge. “By the time you hit, I’ll be on my way down.” He had it worked out now, calm and precise. “I came to see if you were all right when the lights went out, but you went wild. I chased you up here, concerned. You were hysterical, and I was too late to save you. All these years, and you still blamed yourself for your brother’s death. You finally couldn’t live with it anymore.” He forced her around to race the fall. One of her combs came loose and spun off into empty space. “No one knows but you. And no one but you will ever know.”

She clawed at him, fighting her way back from the edge. Her strength threw him off balance, and for an instant, she was free. Then he clamped an arm around her waist and began to heave.
She lost her footing, teetered, then threw her weight back against him. Screaming, she saw the sky and ground revolve.
Michael broke through the door at a run. He shouted, but neither of the two locked in a life-and-death struggle heard. He saw Pete raise his gun, and fired his own.
The wall caught Emma at the waist, stealing her breath. Hands grabbed at her, dragged at her until half her body tilted over the edge. Dazed, she saw Pete’s face below her, his eyes wide and terrified. The fingers on her wrist slipped, and released. Then he was falling, falling. Momentum had her sliding toward him.
Hands were dragging her back, pulling her away from the wall. Her feet left the floor again, but there were arms around her, squeezing, holding her safe and close. Through the ringing in her ears, she heard her name repeated over and over.
“Michael.” She didn’t have to look, but let her head drop on his shoulder. “Michael, don’t let go.”
“I won’t.”
“I remembered.” She began to sob then. Through the tears, she saw her father standing beside her. “Da. I remembered.” She reached out for him.

E MMA WATCHED THE flames from the fire Stevie had built in the hearth. He stood beside it, hands in his pockets, saying nothing. They had all come home with her, her father, P.M. and his family, Johnno. Bev made endless pots of tea.
Though no one spoke, she sensed the shock was wearing off into bewilderment. There were questions that could never be answered, mistakes that could never be rectified. Regrets that would never completely disappear.
But they had survived, Emma thought. The odds had been against them, individually and as a group, but they had survived. Even triumphed.

Rising, she walked out to the terrace where Brian was alone, watching the sea. He would suffer, Emma thought. It was his nature to pull problems into his heart and mourn, whether they were his or the world’s. Then somehow, he would turn them into something to be played on guitar or keyboard, with flute and violin. Moving to him, she rested her head on his shoulder.
“He was one of us,” Brian said after a moment. “He’d been with us since the beginning.”
“I know.”
“When I saw him with his hands on you, I wanted to kill him myself. And now …” He watched the play of the early moon on the water. “I can hardly believe it all happened. Why?” He turned, taking her into his arms. “For God’s sake, why did he do it?”
She pressed hard against him, listening to the ebb and flow of the sea. How could she tell him? If he knew the reasons, he would never be able to make music again. “I don’t know. We could ask ourselves forever, but it wouldn’t change.” She drew back. “Da. We have to set it aside. Not forget, but set it aside.”
“A new beginning?”
“God no.” She smiled. “I wouldn’t want to begin again. Not for anything. Finally I know where I am and where I want to go. I don’t have to be afraid anymore. I don’t have to wonder. And I can stop blaming myself, because I didn’t run this time.”
“You were never to blame, Emma.”
“None of us were. Come inside.” She drew him into the light and the warmth. In the silence, she walked to the television and switched it on. “I want to hear them say your name.”
As she watched the set, P.M. touched her arm. “Emma.” Unable to find the words, he brought her hand to his