Public Secrets

Jane’s child now. She didn’t, couldn’t, feel for Emma the fierce almost desperate love she felt for Darren, but the love she did feel was warm and steady.
Because he liked the clattering they made, Darren dropped the blocks back in their box. “D,” he said, holding his favorite letter over the opening. “Dog, drum, Darren!” He let it fly, satisfied when his letter made the most noise. Certain he’d done his duty, he hopped on his red and white rocking horse and headed west.
“We were going to play farm.” Emma took the big Fisher-Price barn and silo off the shelf. It only took the word “farm” to have Darren leaping off his horse. He dragged off the top to shake the animals and round-faced people out of the silo.

“Let’s go, let’s go,” he chanted while his still clumsy fingers struggled to set the white plastic fence pieces straight.
Emma steadied his hand before she glanced up at Bev. “Can you play, too?”
She had a million things to do, Bev thought, with all the people Brian had asked over that evening. In a few hours, the house would be full. It always seemed to be full, as if Brian were afraid to spend a few hours in his own company. What he was running from, she didn’t know, and doubted that he did.
When we get back to London, she thought. Everything would click into place again when they got home.
She looked down at the children, her children. And laughed.
“I’d love to play.”
An hour later Brian found them as the turkey rug which stood in for the cornfield was plowed under by a fleet of Tonka trucks. Before he could speak, Emma was scrambling up.
“Da’s home.” She rushed forward, ending on a bound, sure that his arms would be there to catch her.
He scooped her up, planting a noisy kiss on her cheek before sweeping his free arm around Darren. “Give us a big one,” he told Darren, then staggered as the boy pressed a hard, wet kiss on his chin. Hefting them both, Brian stepped around the white plastic fences and stubby figures spread around the floor.
“Farming again?”
“It’s Darren’s favorite.” Bev waited for him to sit, then grinned. Brian was always at his best in the circle of his family. “I’m afraid you’ve just plopped down smack in the manure pile.”
“Oh?” He leaned over to pull her against him. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve sat in shit.”
“Shit,” Darren repeated, his diction perfect.
“Good going,” Bev murmured.
Brian only grinned and tickled his son’s ribs. “So what’s the plan?”
She settled back as Darren wiggled out of Brian’s hold to sit in her lap. “We’re plowing under the corn since we’ve decided to plant soybeans.”
“Very wise. Quite the gentleman farmer, aren’t you, old man?” He poked a finger into Darren’s pudgy stomach. “We’ll have to take that trip to Ireland. Then you can ride on a real tractor.”

“Let’s go. Let’s go.” Darren bounced on Bev’s lap, chanting his favorite phrase.
“Darren can’t ride on a tractor until he’s bigger,” Emma said, sedately folding her hands over her knee.
“Quite right.” With a smile, Bev nodded toward Brian. “Just like he can’t use the cricket bat or the bicycle someone bought him.”
“Women,” Brian said to Darren. “They don’t understand macho stuff.”
“Pissy,” Darren recited, pleased with his new word.
“I beg your pardon?” Brian managed over a laugh.
“Don’t ask.” After a quick hug, Bev set Darren aside. “Let’s clean up this business so we can go have our tea.”
“Excellent idea.” Brian sprung up and grabbed Bev’s hand. “Emma, you’re in charge, luv. Mum and I have something to do before tea.”
“Brian—”
“Miss Wallingsford’s just downstairs.” He continued to pull Bev from the room. “Don’t forget to wash up.”
“Brian, the nursery’s in a shambles.”
“Emma’ll take care of it. She’s tidy as a pin.” He pulled Bev into the bedroom. “Besides, she likes to.”
“Even so, I—” She caught his hands as he started to tug off her T-shirt. “Bri, we can’t do this now. I’ve a million things to see to.”
“And this is top of the list.” He closed his mouth over hers, pleased when her halfhearted struggles ceased.
“It was top of the list last night,” she murmured, running her hands down to his hips. “And again this morning.”
“It’s always top of the list.” He unhooked her jeans.
It amazed him how small, how firm she was. After two children. No, one child, he