Rant

prescription for Ritalin.
    Phoebe Truffeau, Ph.D.: Upon contracting the virus, the typical subject will experience a tingling sensation at the site of the exposure, the bite or scratch. If the infection occurs via mucous membrane, that initial site will become hypersensitive. In the event of transmission through oral-genital contact, as appears to be the case with the Rant serotype, the hallmark tingling sensation affecting the genital and perigenital region is reported to be not altogether unpleasant. This pleasurable condition might account for the epidemic’s rapid, almost lightning, transmission rate through the population.
    Sean Gardner: The symptoms are brooding and antisocial behavior, isolation alternating with fits of hostile aggression. If the CDC treated every teenager that showed those symptoms…well, no government has that much money.
    Phoebe Truffeau, Ph.D.: Beyond the incubation period, also known as the “eclipse” period, of six to ninety days, the virus replicates in localized tissue adjacent to the infection site. Retrograde axoplasmic flow moves the virus rapidly throughout the central nervous system. It infects neuronal cells of the brain stem, medulla, hippocampus, Purkinje cells, and cerebellum—invading, replicating, and budding within each cell—and in the process causing degeneration of the spinal cord, brain, and axons, and demyelination of the white matter of the brain.
    As the viral load increases, the most enervated body tissues are subject to a greater degree, particularly the salivary glands. In the first stage of symptoms, the prodromal phase, the subject may suffer fever, nausea, headache, fatigue, and a lack of appetite.
    Sean Gardner: Frankly, the way kids behave these days, who could blame us for not suspecting? Especially the way they dance. Denise Gardner: Sean blamed her moods on that music they listen to.
    Sean Gardner: Well, my wife said it was the video games.
    Phoebe Truffeau, Ph.D.: Beyond the prodromal phase, the sensory-excitation phase is characterized by hypersalivation, muscle twitches, insomnia, extreme aggression, and a compulsion to bite or chew.
    Once incubation of the disease is complete and the subject exhibits suspect behaviors, there is no treatment. The third and final stage of the disease is paralysis and coma. Subsequent autopsy will reveal antigens when rabies antibodies are applied to samples of brain tissue and examined under a fluorescence microscope.
    Denise Gardner: During the worst of it, Sylvia Leonard calls. She’s the mother of Dean Leonard, one of Margot’s little goth pals. Well, anyway, Sylvia phones and says, hi ho, Dean’s pet bat has just croaked. The little fuzzball’s been curled up in Dean’s underwear drawer, and today it reeks to high heaven. Dead. And Sylvia wants to know: Did Margot’s bat get sick? Sylvia wants to know: Did we save the sales receipt, and can she use our receipt to try and get a refund for her dead bat?
    We pull the shoe box out from under Margot’s bed, and the stink could knock you over. We don’t even open the lid. Sean, my husband, Sean just totes the box into the backyard and buries Little Monty with every other gerbil and hamster and kitten and goldfish and lizard, parakeet, guinea pig, mouse, and rabbit that Margot ever begged and pleaded to have. You’d swear, our backyard is paved with dead animals.
    Phoebe Truffeau, Ph.D.: The word itself comes from the Sanskrit word, used three thousand years before the birth of Christ, rabhas, which means “to do violence.” By the nineteenth century, the virus was prevalent in all parts of the world, especially Europe. There, people who feared they’d become infected would usually commit suicide.
    Those infected, or even rumored to be infected, were often murdered by their peers, out of fear. Or sympathy.
    Historically, the virus has moved through a series of mammal reservoirs. In the 1700s, the disease was carried predominantly by red foxes (Vulpes vulpes), and gained a foothold in the New World when these animals were imported for British-style fox hunts. During the 1800s, the striped skunk(Mephitis mephitis) was so likely to be hydrophobic that the popular slang term for skunks of that period was “Phobey Cats.” After the 1960s, the common raccoon (Procyon lotor) became the species most likely to be infected. To a lesser degree, the coyote (Canis latrans) is responsible for an average of fifty infections annually. Insectivorous bats, an average of