Rebecca Schwartz 05 - Other People's Skeletons

right— empty pill bottles were everywhere. One glance convinced us she’d taken everything in sight. We dialed 911, and I rode with her to the hospital, the empty bottles in a plastic bag in my purse. Rob followed in his car. On the way, I talked to her, the way you’re supposed to talk to a person in a coma, begging her to hang on, telling her we all loved her, hoping it sounded okay even if I’d just met her. The truth was that as little as I knew her, I desperately wanted her to live, and thought this must be the way people feel who work in emergency rooms. We all feel, I guess, that life is so fragile we’re frantic to hang on to it, even if it’s someone else’s.
    Rob phoned her father, and the two of us waited for him while they pumped her stomach, holding hands as if we were still lovers, and once again my palms could have watered a geranium.
    For once, Rob seemed unable to talk. He looked around and said, “It’s all so … stark.” And then he shut up.
    Like your life, I thought. Empty. Sad.
    I don’t know why I thought that— it just came to me, like one of Chris’s psychic messages. Rob didn’t seem a sad person; he was constantly in motion. But you never got below the surface with him, and it made you wonder if there was anything down there to find. Maybe he really was a human news-gathering machine.
    An intern came out. “Are you here for Adrienne Dunson?”
    “Yes, but we’re not relatives. We’re just the ones who found her.”
    “She’s being moved to intensive care.”
    “Will she make it?”
    He shrugged. “She’s pretty bad.”
    I left to call Dr. Suzawa, who’d just had a cancellation and could see me that afternoon at three. When I got back, Rob was talking to Adrienne’s dad. Not wanting to make his reacquaintance, I hung back, thinking about the coming ordeal.
    On the way back to the office, I turned it over and over in my mind— the impulse I had to ask Rob to go with me. Why was it so strong? I wondered.
    And decided it was partly because I was so frightened. And also because we’d been close once. But probably most of all because a part of me still loved him and wanted him back, just like it used to be. But it wasn’t fair to call on him now, to ask him for help as if we were still together. Perhaps Chris would go with me.
    But she wasn’t in the office, having left to continue reading the seemingly endless output of Jason McKendrick. I ended up going alone, but it turned out fine. Carolyn had apparently called to pave the way.
    Suzawa greeted me with a rueful smile. “Dr. Perlmutter tells me you hate the kind of doctor who has you into the office to describe the procedure, has you back for the procedure, and, as she says you put it, makes you come back a third time to get the results.” He paused. “Of course, most of us feel it’s best for the patient that way.”
    “It’s best for your own bank accounts,” I snapped, coming out with something I’d normally be way too wimpy to say. I heard someone say once that anger covers fear and fear covers anger. Meaning I might be talking tough, but underneath I was scared to death.
    Unexpectedly, Suzawa laughed. “Well, some people just aren’t ready the first time. But since Carolyn called, I made sure I have time to do the procedure today. And you can phone for the results, but I’m afraid you do have to come back. I’ll need to check on the wound to make sure it’s healing property.”
    “That seems okay,” I said, not wanting to give in but unable to refute the logic of it. I’d had a doctor tell me once I had to come back because otherwise there was a likelihood of “misunderstanding.” Like the audio quality was better in his office. And when I got there, sure enough, he mentioned my test was normal and I should go and sin no more. The insurance company lost eighty bucks on the deal, and I’ve been stewing about it ever since.
    “Shall we do it?” said Suzawa, “or would you like to watch the video first?”
    I loathe the videos specialists show you. “Why don’t you sum it up?” I said.
    “Basically, it says there are several methods of screening for cancer. You’ve already had cyst aspiration, which didn’t tell us much, and I’m afraid none of the others would either, if the lump is benign. Some are useful if the result is positive, but if it’s negative, we still can’t rule out cancer. Do you follow?”
    “Perfectly.”
    “In other words, what we call an open surgical biopsy,