Red Phoenix

life of that sparrow? What was the whole point of its existence?’
    I was about to say ‘to feed the crow’ but then I stopped. I didn’t know enough to say that. ‘I have no idea.’
    He banged his palms on the desk, his face fierce. ‘The stone was right,’ he said with finality. ‘All you need to do is cast off your prejudices. You are already well on the way there.’
    I breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed.
    His face remained fierce though. ‘Now.’
    I straightened, ready for the next koan.
    ‘You said that the Serpent is evil because it dreamed of eating babies. You said that I am evil because I dreamed of eating babies. Am I? Is the Serpent evil ?’
    ‘No, of course not,’ I said without thinking. ‘You were just dreaming about dinner. That’s the food that snakes eat, so of course you dreamed about eating it. It would have been different if you’d actually gone out and…’ I stopped, seeing the whole point. It didn’t matter that I’d dreamed about eating the babies. The important thing was that I would never actually go out and do it. Snakes in nature, animal snakes, didn’t have the choice; they weren’t evil, it was just the way they were made. But I had the choice; and I made the choice not to do it.
    ‘Are either of our Serpent essences evil, Emma?’ he said, his voice suddenly very mild and calm.
    ‘I just wonder if there is such a thing as evil,’ I said. ‘There are always so many sides to the story…’
    He fell back and sighed. ‘Took you a very long time. You will get there eventually, I am sure, but sometimes you are very slow to travel. Nothing is evil, Emma. Allis yang and yin. Dark and Bright. There is no good or evil.’
    ‘What about that bastard One Two Two?’
    ‘It is my opposing force, the yang for my yin. It is unbalanced; yang and yin within it are not in harmony. When the two opposing forces are not in harmony, the results are destructive. When the two forces are in harmony, the result is the One.’
    ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about, John,’ I said, bewildered.
    ‘I would be very surprised if you did.’
    ‘Tell me about your Serpent. I want to learn about its nature, I think it would help,’ I said, then stopped. ‘If you don’t want to talk about it too much, I would understand.’
    ‘No, no,’ he said, more relaxed, ‘you’re quite right. Anything to help you understand. My Serpent essence…’ He paused, thoughtful. ‘Well, it is different from the Turtle. The Turtle is mostly vegetarian. It is quite slow, not just in movement, but in thought as well.’
    ‘You’re not stupid, you’re just cold-blooded,’ I said.
    He smiled gently. ‘The Serpent is fast and cunning. It is a dedicated carnivore and likes the taste of blood. It eats things alive, very slowly, enjoying the sensation of their struggles. It is much more unforgiving than the gentle Turtle. It is clever, and can sometimes be spiteful, but it isn’t evil, Emma. That’s just the way it is. Remember, it is still a part of me.’
    ‘That was in my dream,’ I said miserably. ‘I dreamed that I wanted to eat them alive, because it was more…’ I hesitated, then plunged on, ‘…it was more fun.’
    ‘It is,’ he said. ‘For a Serpent, dead food is unpleasant. You understand. It is good to share this. It’s not something I could share with many others. I hope that Simone is able to accept it when it finally happens in front of her.’
    ‘Monty would never eat dead mice,’ I said, remembering. ‘I tried to make him, but he never would. If they were dead he wouldn’t touch them.’
    ‘I wouldn’t touch anything dead either,’ John said. ‘Dead food. Not moving, and therefore not food. The Turtle will eat dead meat, and sometimes eat very dead meat, but the Serpent never would.’
    ‘You have the most totally split personality it’s surprising you’re sane,’ I said with derision.
    ‘Sanity is highly overrated,’ he growled dryly. ‘But,’ he said, sitting straighter, ‘when I was whole, it just seemed to work. The two essences were both me, and they combined seamlessly into me. I was whole. Right now,’ he grimaced so slightly it was almost undetectable, ‘it is very difficult. I’m not whole. I am all Turtle. Without the Serpent, I am not complete, and you only see one side of me.’ He smiled. ‘The Serpent is the mightiest healer on the Celestial Plane.’
    My face must have shown my shock because his smile widened and he