Sea Breeze 01 - Breathe

wouldn’t take it and you would resent it. Leaving without knowing you were taken care of was so hard. But I convinced myself you would be better off without me. Ms. Mary promised to get you a good job with good pay. I wanted you to have a safe, comfortable senior year. I had no idea—”
    I put my finger over his mouth. “Stop it. Nothing is your fault. You did what you had to do. Your world is different from mine, and I understand that.”
    He kissed my finger, and I had to catch my breath. “I knew when I caved and allowed myself to be with you that your life was going to be turned upside down, that my world was going to affect you. But I pushed those thoughts away, and I just lived in the moment. When I saw your face all over the television, and I heard you being talked about like your personal life was nothing, I lost it. I wanted to hurt someone, and when I realized it was my fault, I wanted to hurt myself. So I hurt myself in the deepest way possible . . . by walking away from you.” He paused and held my hand against his face. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I was trying to save you from me, but it was a very bad plan, and I’m so sorry.”
    I licked my very dry lips and smiled. “Thank you for being here now. I fought the darkness so hard because I kept hearing something. It was music. I remember thinking the sound of it made me warm inside. I fought so hard to get close to it. Now I know it was you. If you hadn’t been here singing to me, I don’t know if I would have fought at all.”
    He closed his eyes for a minute, and pain flickered across his face. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about you and me. I know my life isn’t normal, and I can’t be the boy who sits behind you in class, no matter how appealing that sounds, but I can’t walk away again. I’m not going to.” He moved closer to me and touched my face with his other hand. “If you still want me, I’m yours. Your life will never be normal. You’ll be put in the spotlight, although I’m going to keep you as safe as possible. But here’s the thing, I didn’t get to go to high school. I missed out on all my experiences because I was on the road touring. I can’t do that to you. I need you to get every experience high school has to offer, and enjoy it . . . for me. I’ll come back to my summer house one week out of every month, and any other time I can squeeze it in. I know my schedule is crazy right now with the tour, but I’m going to make this work. I swear.”
    I lay there trying to comprehend his words and knowing I would do anything to have him back in my life. I didn’t care anymore if my privacy was invaded. If I had him, it wouldn’t matter.
    “What experiences are there for me in high school? I hate it.”
    He smiled and traced my cheekbone with his finger. “Well, there are football games and dances and being picked on in the hallway. There is bad cafeteria food and field trips and—heck, I don’t know. I missed it all. I just don’t want you to look back one day and wish you had experienced it. Because if you did look back and feel that way, it would be my fault. I’m asking you to give up so much to be with me. I can’t take everything.”
    I sighed. “But I never do all those things. I never go to football games, and I’m not going to any dances. Sam needs me.”
    Jax shook his head. “No. When Jessica gets home, Sam’s going to have a mother, not a big sister, caring for him. I’m in communication with her doctor, and he says she’s much better, but she was in a very bad state.”
    Relief washed through me. To know Jessica would be returning to her normal self sounded wonderful. Being a mom at seventeen had almost killed me. I needed her to be Sam’s mom.
    “I still have no desire to do those things.”
    He grinned wickedly. “How about doing them for me?”
    I sighed and closed my eyes, wishing he was asking anything of me but this. Finally I opened my eyes and nodded. “Okay, for you.”
    He broke into a huge grin, leaned forward, and kissed my lips softly. “Thank you,” he whispered before sitting back down.
    “Ms. Mary is in the waiting room dying to see you, and so is . . . um . . . Marcus,” he finished reluctantly.
    I smiled and squeezed his hand. “Marcus has been a wonderful friend through everything.”
    Jax nodded. “Yeah, he made sure to threaten me with my life if I hurt you again. Then he gave me a very descriptive recap of what happened after I left.” Jax swallowed