Sea Breeze 01 - Breathe

down too. The more I thought about college, I realized there would be no way I could go and leave Sam with Jessica. He’d never survive. School took a backseat to work. Formula and diapers cost a fortune. The thought of dropping out of school and getting my GED crossed my mind several nights when I came home to find Sam crying and hungry and Jessica in her room yelling for me to do something with him. My life was spiraling downhill, and it seemed the harder I worked at getting it under control, the worse it got.
    I woke up with my head on the kitchen table and an empty bottle in my hand, and Sam crying in his bassinet beside me. I rubbed my eyes to get focused, glanced at the time, and realized I had overslept. I jumped up and fixed him another bottle and fed him. Twice I tried to get Jessica to get out of bed and help me, but once she threw her pillow at me, and the second time she said she had a headache. I managed to get myself dressed and gather my homework that I had scattered all over the coffee table while taking care of Sam all night. I changed Sam’s diaper and his clothes, and of course, as on cue, he fell fast asleep. In a way, I was thankful that he slept so much during the day, because if he didn’t, I would worry about what Jessica would do to him. I had already witnessed her locking herself in another room away from his crying.
    I went to tell Jessica bye, but she was sound asleep again. No point in waking her up. I headed out to my bike, and suddenly the world around me tilted. I stopped and leaned up against the house until the wave of dizziness passed, and then I went and got on my bike. My stomach rolled as if I had eaten something bad. Sickness didn’t fit onto my to-do list. I didn’t have time for that. I had to get to school. I’d pulled out of the driveway and was headed toward the main stoplight when everything started to go blurry in my peripheral vision. I turned onto Main Street and headed toward school as fast as I could. It was as if I were riding into a tunnel that grew smaller as the world around me seemed to dim. Everything went black with the school in sight.
    A sharp pain in my head woke me. I couldn’t open my eyes, so I reached up to feel something warm and wet in my hair. Something oozed from somewhere. My arm grew heavy, and I couldn’t control it. I let it fall, and my eyes still didn’t want to cooperate. Slowly I drifted off to the darkness. I welcomed it because it reminded me of my dark blanket, and I wanted the pain to go away.
    I floated through my memories. A painless journey. Jax’s face smiling at me filled me with happiness, and I felt the tingling sensation from his nearness as well. I saw Jax bent down in front of the little girl at the grocery store, and my heart fluttered as I remembered her face when he kissed her. Jax bending over his first guitar and singing “Wanted Dead or Alive” made me want to laugh out loud, but for some reason I couldn’t. And then Jax was singing to me in the moonlight and holding me in his arms. More memories I had tried so very hard to repress rushed back to me, as well as many I wanted to laugh at, but I couldn’t make myself laugh. The heavy blanket made it impossible to move. So I lay there and enjoyed my memories without pain. And just like before, the darkness came, and I floated into it.
    Music and a voice I recognized called to me. I tried so hard to move the heavy blanket so I could find him. I knew that voice. The music came from him. His voice sounded sad, but the words belonged to me. It was my song. I fought the blanket, but it remained too heavy, and the darkness washed over me. The song faded away.
    My head pounded and my arms tingled. I tried to wiggle my fingers, and it worked. I tried to move my foot, and it moved. The dark blanket had left me. I wanted to open my eyes, but the thought of it hurt my pounding head even more. I didn’t think I could open them just yet. For some reason, the darkness had given me a horrible headache. I remembered the warm, oozing liquid, and I wondered if it was still up there causing problems. I lifted my arm, but I only got it so far before it fell back down again. Someone moved beside me.
    “Sadie?”
    My breathing stopped, and I waited to see if I could hear that smooth voice say my name again.
    “Sadie, can you hear me?”
    I wanted to speak, but I wasn’t sure the words would come out right, so I stayed quiet. A warm hand slipped into mine, and my arm tingled in a