Sea Haven 01 - Water Bound

discovering that the pressure from her wet suit made her body feel less like it was flying apart, she’d recognized the calming effect of her vest and sought to find something that would help her off the water. She’d read a great deal about the blankets and knew the weight was supposed to help release serotonin by putting pressure on the sensory nerves in her muscles, joints and tendons, for a calming effect. Whatever. She didn’t care how it worked, only that it did. And right now, she was feeling foolish and embarrassed and very tired. She wanted to curl up under the blanket and go to sleep. She heard him moving around the kitchen. It didn’t sound like he was leaving. Maybe if she drifted off, he’d be gone when she woke.
    The door to the bedroom pushed open and she closed her eyes with a soft groan of despair, wanting to just disappear.
    “Rikki, I made coffee. Sit up and drink some. It will help. The groceries have been put away. I just want you to explain to me what happened.”
    She felt his weight on the edge of the bed. She blew out her breath in exasperation and abruptly sat up, dragging her blanket around her for comfort. “Do we really have to do this?”
    “You don’t owe me any explanations, but I’d like one.”
    She took the coffee and frowned at the dark liquid, not wanting to look at him. “I just need things a certain way.”
    “I can understand that, but it wouldn’t make you cry.”
    “Why the hell do you care?” She resorted to belligerence. It usually pushed people away from her so she didn’t have to try to deal with emotions she had difficulty keeping under control.
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    “You saved my life. You saw what kind of man I am and you still gave me a place to stay. I’ll admit I don’t remember a lot about my past, but it doesn’t feel to me as if I know kindness. You showed me kindness.”
    “I’m not right, Lev.” She clenched her teeth, hating to say it out loud.
    She didn’t mind the way she was, as long as she stayed away from people.
    She liked her life. She was captain of her own boat. She made a good living.
    Why should she care that she couldn’t go into a grocery store? She wouldn’t if he wasn’t there. She hated feeling inadequate.
    “Neither am I. I’m not asking you to change. Tell me what you need to feel comfortable.”
    “It isn’t reasonable for you.”
    “Rikki, look at me.” Lev waited until she reluctantly lifted her tear-drenched gaze to his face. He wanted—even needed—to kiss her better, but she had huddled inside that peculiar blanket as if it were a fortress. “Don’t you think I should decide what’s reasonable for me? You took me in, not the other way around. I had to lie down the entire time you were gone, and if I didn’t come in here and sit down, I would have fallen. I’ve got nowhere to go. At least give me a chance to put things right with you.”
    “I don’t know how to explain it to you. I live alone. I have a certain order to things and I need it that way.” She took a sip of coffee to steady herself. Her hands were trembling and her body reacted the way it always did when she was stressed, flooding with adrenaline and an anger that just seemed to take her over. Happy or angry or sad. There was rarely an in between for her, and anger was a way to keep people away from her. “I don’t talk to people.”
    Amusement crept into his eyes. “Baby, I don’t talk to people either. We aren’t people. Here, in this house, there’s only us. What we do, how we act, doesn’t matter to anyone else. If you need order, teach me your order and I’ll follow it. You steady me, Rikki. I don’t know why, but I feel more balanced with you around.”
    She nearly spewed her coffee over him. Was he completely crazy?
    How in the world could she possibly keep someone else balanced? “You really did hit your head hard, didn’t you?”
    He smiled and touched his head. “Maybe it knocked some sense into me. I’d appreciate you letting me stay here for a while, Rikki. Let me try not to disrupt your routine. I can learn to eat peanut butter.”
    The look on his face was that of a man going valiantly to his doom. In spite of everything, laughter bubbled up. “I don’t know what to do with you.
    It would be silly to buy new dishes and you can’t eat peanut butter if you don’t like it.”
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    “Why don’t you eat anything else?”
    She frowned again, studying his face. “Textures bother me. It was just easier to find something