Shadow of the giant

grinned at her mother, but her mother's return smile
wasn't real.
    "How did you do it?" asked Petra. "How did
you give up your child?"
    "You weren't 'given up,' " said Mother. "You
were taken. Most of the time I managed to believe it was all for a good cause.
The other times I cried. It wasn't death because you were still alive. I was
proud of you. I missed you. You were good company almost from your first word.
But so ambitious!"
    Petra smiled a little at that.
    "You're married now," said Mother. "Ambition
for yourself is over. It's now ambition for your children."
    "I just want them to be happy."
    "That is something you can't do for them. So don't set
that as your goal."
    "I don't have a goal, Mother."
    "That's nice. Then your heart will never break."
    Mother looked at her with a deadpan expression.
    Petra laughed a little. "You know, when I've been away
for a while, I forget that you know everything."
    Mother smiled. "Petra, I can't save you from anything.
But I want to. I would if I could. Does that help? To know that somebody wants
you to be happy?"
    "More than you know, Mother."
    She nodded. Tears slipped down her cheeks. "Going off
into space. It feels like closing yourself in your own coffin. I know! But
that's how it feels to me. I just know that I'm going to lose you, as sure as
death. You know it too. That's why you're out here saying good-bye to
Yerevan?"
    "To Earth, Mother. Yerevan's the least of it."
    "Well, Yerevan won't miss you. Cities never do. They go
on and we don't make any difference to them at all. That's what I hate about
cities."
    And that's true of the human race, too, thought Petra.
"I think it's a good thing, that life goes on. Like water in a pail. Take
some out, the rest fills in."
    "When it's my child that's gone, nothing fills
in," said Mother.
    Petra knew that Mother was referring to the years that she
spent without Petra, but what flashed into Petra's mind was the six babies they
still hadn't found. The two ideas put together made the loss of those babies—if
they even existed—too painful to contain. Petra began to cry. She hated crying.
    Her mother put her arms around her. "I'm sorry,
Pet," she said. "I wasn't even thinking. I was missing one child, and
you have so many and you don't even know whether they're alive or dead."
    "But they aren't even real to me," said Petra.
"I don't know why I'm crying. I've never even met them."
    "We're hungry for our children," said Mother.
"We need to take care of them, once we bring them into existence."
    "I didn't even get to do that," said Petra.
"Other women got to bear all but the one. And I'm going to lose him."
And suddenly her life felt so terrible it could not be borne. She sobbed as her
mother held her.
    "Oh, my poor girl," her mother kept murmuring.
"Your life breaks my heart."
    "How can I complain like this?" said Petra, her
voice high with crying. "I've been part of some of the greatest events in
history."
    "When your babies need you, history doesn't bring much
comfort."
    And as if on cue, there was a faint sound of a baby crying
inside the flat. Mother made as if to go, but Petra stopped her. "Bean
will get her." She used the hem of her shirt to dab at her eyes.
    "You can tell from the crying which baby it is?"
    "Couldn't you?"
    "I never had two infants at the same time, let alone
three. There aren't many multiple births in our family."
    "Well, I've found the perfect way to have nonuplets.
Get eight other women to help." She managed a feeble laugh at her own
black humor.
    The baby cried again.
    "It's definitely Bella, she's always more insistent.
Bean will change her, and then he'll bring her to me."
    "I could do that and he could go back to sleep,"
Mother offered.
    "It's some of our best time together," said Petra.
"Caring for the babies."
    Mother pecked her on the cheek. "I can take a
hint."
    "Thanks for talking to me, Mother."
    "Thanks for coming home."
    Mother went inside. Petra stood at the edge of the balcony.
After a while, Bean came padding out in bare feet. Petra pulled her T-shirt up
and Bella started slurping noisily. "Good thing your brother Ender got my
milk factory started," said Petra. "Or it would have been the bottle
for you."
    As she stood there, nursing Bella and looking out over the
nighttime city, Bean's huge hands held her shoulders and stroked her arms. So
gentle. So kind.
    Once as tiny as this little girl.
    But always a giant, long before his body showed it.
     
     
     
    19
     
    ENEMIES
     
     
    From "Note