Slash and Burn

shell of a concrete hut, he grabbed her arm and dragged her through the open doorway.
    “I could scream, you know,” she told him.
    She made a move for the doorway but Siri blocked her path.
    “They’re used to screams up here,” he said. “Nobody would notice.”
    “Well, what if I smacked you one across the chops?”
    “Smacked me? Really, Bpoo. There are times when you aren’t feminine at all.”
    “Whatever makes you think I’d want to be feminine?”
    “You’re wearing a sarong and a brassiere.”
    “You forced me to dress in a hurry. I had a frock laid out for today.”
    “And that isn’t feminine?”
    “They’re merely garments. Outer coverings. Clothes do not a gender make. If you wore a saddle, would you be a donkey?”
    “If I had a wardrobe full of the things, I’d expect to be called an ass, yes.”
    “Honestly, Dr. Siri. Ancient as you are, you still care what other people think of you. You’re so vain.”
    “Why are you here?”
    “You threw me into a helicopter.”
    “I mean Xiang Khouang. What possessed you to stow away?”
    “I’m very fond of Americans.”
    Siri turned and headed out through the doorway. The word bpoo in Lao meant crab and anyone knew there was no blood to be had from a crab. Experience had taught him that you couldn’t get information from Bpoo if she wasn’t in the mood to share it. He’d just stepped into the sunlight when he heard, “You’re going to die, Siri.”
    He turned back and smiled.
    “Madame Daeng and I have already picked out the coffin. It has a battery controlled fan inside in case it gets stuffy. That’s an extra expense, of course, but I think I’m worth it.”
    “I mean in the next five days.”
    “And you’ve come to watch?”
    “I’ve come to stop it.”
    “Where were you all the other times I died?”
    “This isn’t an “almost died.” This is the real thing; dodo, doornail, dinosaur … that kind of dead.”
    “Real? But I thought you were a charlatan. You told me you make it all up.”
    “I am. I do.”
    “So?”
    Auntie Bpoo sighed, hitched up her sarong and sat untidily on a pile of breeze blocks.
    “Siri, you are so annoying. You and all those heebie-jeebie spirit characters you drag around with you. They know you’re too dense to talk to them but they’re stuck with you. How do you think they feel when their portal to the living is boarded over with a very thick plank and padlocked?”
    “How do you know about them?”
    “I get the odd message.”
    “Then teach me. I’m willing. I want to communicate with them. I want to know what they’re trying to tell me. I’m tired of their cryptic clues. I want to sit down over a cup of instant ether and learn from them.”
    “Honey, you’ve either got it or you haven’t. I’ve got it with bells on. They show me things I’d really rather not see. You? You haven’t got it at all. Your spirit shaman fellow really blew it when he set up shop in you. You’re a dead end for the spirit world.”
    Siri came over and sat cross-legged on the dirt floor in front of Bpoo.
    “Who are they? Who have you seen?”
    “A whole lot of them.”
    “For example.”
    “Oh, dull, dull. All right. Your mother, your ex-dog, a dozen or so confused spirits you’ve picked up along the way. And there’s some really old character who stinks of history.”
    “Yeh Ming. My shaman spirit. Do they talk to you?”
    “Every now and then. I mean the ones that used to be people. The dog just snarls and drools a lot. I have no idea what he wants.”
    “Can you tell me what they say?”
    “No.”
    “Why not?”
    “Because I don’t want to be your telephonist. “Oohoo, Dr. Siri, there’s another call from your mother. Will you accept the charges?” Come on. I have a life.”
    “Not much of one.”
    “Bastard!”
    She stood and stormed to the door.
    “I’m sorry,” he called after her. “Really I am. I didn’t mean it. I’m sure your life’s grand.”
    “It is.”
    She stopped in the doorway but didn’t look back.
    “I knew it. So … when am I going to die?”
    She was silent.
    “Bpoo?”
    “Soon, I imagine. Day or two.”
    “Any idea how you’re supposed to prevent it?”
    “None whatsoever.”
    “Well, good luck anyway. I’m supporting you a hundred per cent on this one.”
    Bpoo turned around and leaned against the door jamb.
    “I … er….”
    “What is it?”
    “I think it might have something to do with sticking a finger in your ear.”
    “The