Snuff
urging everybody on and laughing at them poor goblins. And when I ran out into the road to try and stop it, some of his chums gave me a right seeing to. That was just after my dad died. I was a bit innocent in those days, thought that some people were better than me, tipped me hat to gentry and so on, and then I took over the forge and if that donât kill you it makes you strong.â
And he winked, and Vimes thought, youâll do. Youâll probably do. Youâve got the fire.
Vimes patted his shirt pocket and heard the reassuring rustle of paper. He was rather proud of the note at the end of the clacks message, which was a personal one from the Commandant in Quirm. It read, âWhen they heard that you were on the case, Sam, they were so chatty that we used up two pencils!â
And then Sam Vimes went to the pub just as the men were coming in and sat in the corner nursing a pint of the beetroot juice with a touch of chilli, to help down a snack consisting of one pickled egg and one pickled onion nestling in a packet of crisps. Vimes did not know very much about gastronomy, but he knew what he liked. And, as he sat there, he saw people talking to one another and looking at him, and then one of them walked slowly over, holding his hat in front of him in both hands as if in penitence. âName of Hasty, sir, William Hasty. Thatcher by trade, sir.â
Vimes moved his legs to make room and said, âPleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Hasty. What can I do for you?â
Mr. Hasty looked around at his fellows, and got that mixed assortment of waves and hoarse whispers that adds up to âGet on with it!â Reluctantly he turned back to Vimes, cleared his throat, and said, âWell, sir, yes, of course we knew about the goblins and no one liked it much. I mean theyâre a bloody nuisance if you forget to lock your chicken coop and suchlike, but we didnât like what was done, because it wasnâtâ¦I mean, wasnât right , not done like that, and some of us said we would suffer for it, come the finish, because if they could do that to goblins then what might they think they could do to real people, and some said real or not, it wasnât right! Weâre just ordinary people, sir, tenants and similar, not big, not strong, not important, so who would listen to the likes of us? I mean, what could we have done ?â
Heads leaned a little forward, breaths were held, and Vimes chewed the very last vinegary piece of crisp. Then he said, directing his gaze to the ceiling, âYouâve all got weapons. Every man jack of you. Huge, dangerous, deadly weapons. You could have done something . You could have done anything . You could have done everything. But you didnât, and Iâm not sure but that in your shoes I might not have done anything, either. Yes?â
Hasty had held up a hand. âIâm sure weâre sorry, sir, but we donât have weapons.â
âOh, dear me. Look around. One of the things that you could have done was think. Itâs been a long day, gentlemen, itâs been a long week. Just remember, thatâs all. Remember for next time.â
In silence, Vimes walked across to Jiminy at the bar, noticing above the man a patch on the wall showing gleaming paint on the plaster. For a moment Vimesâs memory filled that space with a goblinâs head. Another little triumph.
âJiminy, these gentlemen are drinking at my expense for the rest of the evening. See they get home okay even if wheelbarrows have to be deployed. Iâll send Willikins down to settle with you in the morning.â
Only the sound of his boots broke the silence as he walked to the pub door and closed it gently behind him. Fifty yards up the road he smiled when he heard the cheering start.
T he Roberta E. Biscuit was, unlike the Wonderful Fanny , a boat that strutted its stuff. It looked like a Hogswatch decoration, and on one deck a small band was trying to play as hard as a large band. Waiting on the quayside, though, was a man wearing a hat that the captain of any fleet would desire. âWelcome aboard, your grace, and of course your ladyship. Iâm Captain OâFarrell, master of the Roberta .â Then he looked down at Young Sam and said, âWant to take a turn at the wheel, young shaver? That shall be arranged! And I bet your daddy would like a turn, too.â The captain shook Vimesâs hand industriously, saying, âCaptain
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